As my youngest would say "Tricked ya!"
I don't know why that is my subject. Probably because it's Tuesday and I was thinking about doing Post It Note Tuesday but until I learn how to design my own post it notes and add a little spice...I'm not going to do it. Wait...I don't mean that quite as harsh as it might sound. I just mean that I'd like to learn how to design my own and didn't have time today and so I'm not participating today. I still love the concept...I just want to make my own fun background.
First of all, before I get into the 'meat' of this post, there is something that I need to get off my chest. To the person in my office building who left their plastic glove (just one!) in the bathroom on the back of the toilet tank...GROSS! Not to mention creepy. Why? Really...why?? Could you not have left it on the sink? Of all places, the back of the toilet seemed to be the best option? What could you possibly have been doing? Nevermind. On second thought, don't tell me. Don't ever, EVER tell me!
OK...I feel a little bit better...
I decided to take part in my kids' school PTF (Parent/Teacher Fellowship). We had our first meeting tonight. And I cried. Yeah, you read that right. I cried like a little baby (not really-here I go lying again--it was more like an emotional mom who has trouble expressing herself verbally--wait--that's me). Who cries at PTF meetings?? Uh, *raises hand sheepishly* apparently I do. I didn't go expecting to cry. I didn't go expecting to pour my heart out either.
Two years ago when my kids were at this school I tried to get involved. I tried to be a part of the class parties and get to know some of the mothers. But I felt such resistance. These people were already friends. Had been for years. And they didn't seem the least bit interested in letting someone new in. I know I am generalizing and probably not ALL of the mothers were like this-but it only takes one or two...
It's hard for a shy person like me (yeah I know hard to believe if you've read my blog much) to break the ice and build relationships. It takes a lot for me to get to know people; to put myself out there and so I don't do it often. And if I do it, and it backfires...you better believe I am going to be hesitant to put myself out there again. That is exactly what happened two years ago and I still know next to no one at my kids' school. But my mother-in-law is heading this PTF up, and if being a part of it can save another family from feeling shut off and left out, then I'll do what I can. So...I cried. Explaining what I went through and how hard it was to put myself out there and try to get to know the other parents.
You know, I think that is one reason why I like writing so much. Everything I want to say and the way I want to express myself is just so much easier in writing-it comes naturally. Writing is easy for me. I seriously do write the way I think, or how I would talk if we were face to face and I knew you. But for some reason I just can't be that free and comfortable face to face in new settings or crowds. I know there is a lot to be said for building relationships face to face, but I'm much happier when I feel safe in my little bubble of words. From my writing, you may not think that I have a hard time making friends, but I do. At least initially. It's that beginning part...not knowing what to say or how to act, not being sure of myself. Being self-conscious or worried that people won't like me, however lame and superficial that may sound. That's what I struggle with.
Do any of you watch Community? I really like that show, especially the Spanish teacher-in fact, if it weren't for the Spanish teacher, Kris and I wouldn't have watched it beyond the first couple of episodes. It's light and funny. And the mascot, while it completely creeps me out, just makes me laugh. I can't look at it and not laugh. Granted, it might just seem creepy to you but it's actually really funny if you understand it and why it looks the way it does. They were trying to be politically correct and so it couldn't have a certain color eye or smile. Anyway...if you ever have a chance to check it out, start from the beginning and give it a shot.