About Me

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I like to think of myself as the 'crazy mom of four'. I'm 31 years old and I love my life, my kids, my husband and my God. "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose." Jim Eliot

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Anxiety on a Saturday morning

It was a beautiful spring day. The sun was out, the rain and clouds were gone, and the fall-like temperatures had given way to warmer days. It was a good day to take some time to myself. Some time to get some much needed rest. And by rest, I mean put in another 4 hours of work since I was short this week. Enough of the warm fuzzy writing...I don't talk that way and I'm not going to write that way! That being said...I nearly gave myself a panic attack today.

As I stated above, I needed to put in four extra hours this week to get up to 40 hours. Saturdays I don't mind working, when I have nothing else planned and I am alone. It's great really. I am usually able to get a lot accomplished. Last week I came in (with all three girls who played quietly on computers for 2 hours like good girls!) and had no problems. I got into the building just fine, completely forgetting that Kris had casually mentioned something, at some point, about a code. Because I got into the building so smoothly, it slipped my mind that I might possibly need to know anything regarding an alarm.

Until this morning.

This morning that all changed. Once I let myself into the building, this almost loud, solid high-pitched note began. Usually the key card pad makes a similar sound when you swipe your key, but it stops. This did not stop. I was confused. But thought maybe the key pad had finally given up the fight. After all, Kris and I had just discussed how it sounded sick the day before.

I unlocked our office and let myself in, getting my computer started. That's when the alarm sound changed. To more of a car alarm type sound. It was loud and shrill and wouldn't stop. I was slightly panicked, and at this point thought it would probably be best to call Kris. That's when he told me I had to disarm it with a code. He gave me the info and walked me through it, but at this point the alarm had been sounding for a good two minutes or so.

I felt better once it was eerily quiet again, but that's when the anxiety really kicked it up a notch. Heart racing, hard to breathe, stomach roiling. Fortunately I do keep Xanax in my desk at work and though I haven't taken one in quite some time, this seems a good occasion. Kris and I were talking about whether or not someone was going to come and investigate the fact that the alarm was going off and he didn't know how long before they sent someone. I'm still waiting (30 minutes later) to see if the police are going to storm the building. Let's hope they don't or I might need to throw back another Xanax! But if they do, Kris gave me the verbal code to show them that I truly am allowed to be here.

Bless his heart, the man KNOWS me. He apologized and sympathized with me, knowing exactly how this type of situation would leave me feeling. I love that man. We were talking before I left about whether or not I would try to get a massage today. I'm thinking after that I could really use it!! I'm still scared I'll screw up when I go to leave and leave the alarm disabled or worse, going off...I may rethink this whole coming in to work on Saturday thing...

OK...now that I have that out of the way (feel free to laugh at my misfortune...it'll be amusing to me in about a week), I got a new award from my blogger friend Tylaine! Check out her cute blog, Just Me.

I am assuming the award has something to do with leaving comments since it says "Super Comments Award" right there on the picture. So with that being said, I suppose the idea is to give to to someone who leaves super awesome comments, like I obviously must! ;-) Anyway, there are some 'about me' questions to answer, which I will do momentarily and of course you pass it on. Tylaine gave it to three people, so I will follow suit. I'm going to give this awards to some of my newer commenters too, primarily because their comments made me smile!

1. Sue at The Homeschool Chick - she wrote "LOL - Your Friday Funnies are so great!"

2. Robyn at The Journey - she wrote "::sigh:: you become my soul sister with every post I read :) "

3. Steph at The Adventures of Goober Grape & Monkey Man - she wrote "Okay, I love the way you write :) You seem like my kind of chick! ;)"

That being said...if you are still reading and WANT to know the answers to my questions...you will have to read just a little bit more (and by a little I mean quite a bit!).

1. Why do you blog?

For me. It's all about me, and all for me. I love that I have some friends along for the ride, but it's my therapy. It's my way to express all the thoughts, ideas, and feelings swimming around inside of me. I'm not sure I could survive without writing down everything that goes on inside my head!

2. What are your three best memories?

-Spending a week in Florida with Kris last summer for our ten year anniversary. Best vacation ever!
-laughing with my kids
-giving birth (the actual experience)

3. If you had to change your real name, what would you change it to?

Hmm...I wouldn't change my name, but I suppose if I HAD to I'd likely change it to Captain Sarcasm or something else as long as it had the word Sarcasm in it.

4. What are 5 things you can't live without?

Is it cheating if I say Kris, Katherine, Kaleb, Abbey and Olivia? Doesn't matter. It's my blog so I'm saying it. Because it's true. I can't imagine even ONE of them not being in my life.

5. What are the four best books you have ever read?

-The Circle Trilogy (counts as one because I said so) - Black, Red & White by Ted Dekker (though I do NOT recommend Green which came out last year)
-Inkheart (and Inkspell & Inkdeath) by Cornelia Funk
-The Voyage of the Dawn Treader by C.S. Lewis (I liked the entire Chronilces of Narnia series but this was my favorite, followed by The Last Battle)
-Wicked by Gregory Maguire (a caution if you are sensitive and wanting to read this-LOTS of foul language, inappropriate scenes and such, but the story is incredible)

6. Tell me something unique and interesting about yourself.

I have two extra ribs (seriously-see here), and a rare blood clotting disorder called Factor V Leiden.

7. What do you love about yourself?

Not much at all...certainly NOT my low self-esteem! Although, I do love my feet and I love that my kids and husband think I'm funny.

8. What is the best movie ever made?

Christmas - hands down ELF.
Chick flick - it's a toss up between While You Were Sleeping, 13 Going on 30 and 50 First Dates.
Not chick flick - I'd have to go with Last of the Mohicans or Dan In Real Life
Fantasy type - I'd choose Lord of the Rings trilogy AND The Chronicles of Narnia movies
Musical type movie - definitely ONCE (excellent movie and even better music but a warning-there is a LOT of cursing).

I love movies so narrowing it down to just one is impossible!

9. If you have a Freaky Friday experience who would you want to trade places with and why?

I think I'd just have to trade places with my always interesting Abbey. I'd love to go through a day in her head!

10. What is the best part about being a woman?

Being emotional. Wait...that says best not worst, doesn't it? Hmm...well then...seeing as how for the most part I hate all the things that come with being a woman, I'd have to go with Tylaine and agree that it would have to be the ability to give birth to children and experience a mother's love like only a woman can.


  1. Sorry about your alarm scare, I hate that:O)

  2. Thank you so much for the sweet mention and for passing on such a cute award to me. You make me smile too!!!