A sad day for Jamie

I'm sad today. I knew I didn't win the HTC Evo writing contest. I didn't really expect that I would. But I had high hopes that I would. I am not sure I've ever 'hoped' for something so much. At least not enough that it leaves me wanting to cry because I didn't win. It's compounded by the fact that Kris essentially told me last night that the new phone was out of the question. He asked me when he ever gave me any sign that he would get it for me, and has told me over and over again that we don't have the money. Which I guess I understand, but then I don't understand, if that is true, how we can drive for 18 hours this weekend and spend all the money in gas and food if we don't have enough for a new phone. We'll spend more on our trip to Gatlinburg. Part of me doesn't want to go...if money really is that bad, and I suppose it is because we have to come up with an extra $300/month for tuition, then how on earth can we even consider making a trip to TN this weekend? It doesn't make sense to me and I get pissed off when I can't understand something.

I'm a mess today. Over a stupid phone. And it makes absolutely no sense. How stupid it is for me to be sitting here all emotional over a gadget that I don't need. My phone works just fine. In fact, I just got my old Instinct replaced because it was freezing up and I had to keep re-calibrating it. I didn't realize how much I had my heart set on winning that stupid phone. I wish I had never become one of those geeks who wants the newest toy.

And with money being so tight, I feel like I should give up the spending money I do get each pay period just to make it easier to pay tuition. I am glad I at least got to get two massages in before I cancelled the membership. It sure was nice to experience that.

I need more sleep...