About Me

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I like to think of myself as the 'crazy mom of four'. I'm 31 years old and I love my life, my kids, my husband and my God. "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose." Jim Eliot

Monday, July 21, 2008

A horrible tragedy?

Let me preface this with saying that I can have no way to even imagine what it would be like to have a child born with a deformity or with some disease or illness. So I cannot possibly pretend that I know how I would react in certain situations. And perhaps I view children differently or perhaps my viewpoint would change if faced with a child born with...a difficulty...

And let me also say that I wouldn't normally 'blog' while I was at work, but I can't focus on work without getting this out first. One of the adjusters I work with approached me just a few minutes ago with a 'sad' look on her face. She said "I suppose you heard us talking?" I told her I had not, or more accurately that I heard them talking but did not hear what they were talking about. And she went on to tell me that one of the adjuster's here had a grandson born yesterday with Down's Syndrome. I do not fault the adjuster who grandson was born with Down's Syndrome, nor anyone who thinks this is an awful tragedy. I just find it difficult to understand I suppose the extent of the grief which seems to surround this. I realize there will be many trials to accompany this child and that life will not be easy for the child or the family. I realize that there are risks and concerns that I cannot even begin to comprehend. HOWEVER, a child was born! A family will get to enjoy a new life and share in the blessing that ALL children are. And perhaps I am alone in this, but I just LOVE children with Down's Syndrome. Anyone who has ever interacted with a child with Down's Syndrome (or children with disabilities or other challenges) can't help but smile can they? My brother-in-law is either severely autistic or mentally retarded...I am not sure which title the doctors have officially decided upon. And he is perhaps the happiest, sweetest guy I know. And I can't imagine what our lives would be like without Uncle Brandon. And I can't imagine him any differently. I don't wish that he was 'normal'. Perhaps my mother-in-law as Brandon was growing would have liked for life with him to be easier. Could she have done without the physical complications and sicknesses he had growing up? Sure. But is she more understanding and more patient and a stronger woman because of raising him? You bet!

Please don't think I am saying the same old cliches. "God knows what he is doing" or "What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger." I have no doubt that it is difficult for this family to take in and comprehend what it will mean to raise a child with Down's Syndrome. I do not envy them the hardships they will most definitely encounter. I guess I just find it interesting how it seems that no one here is rejoicing over the fact that this child was born! The child is still a blessing, and in some ways will probaby bless this family more than anyone can even know. There are families who cannot have their own children, or who have lost children, who can tell you that they would rather simply HAVE a child, disability or not, than go without the blessing of children.

We lost a baby about 4 years ago. I don't talk about it much, and to be honest never really dealt with the fact that I miscarried. We hadn't been expecting another child. We had three at the time and were content with those three. I was at the lowest point in my life that I have ever been and it was one more thing I pushed down and avoided facing and feeling. And as I am just recently processing the entire thing and grieving for a child I never knew, I would rather have been able to meet that child and touch that child and kiss that child rather than not know what it would have felt like to hold that child in my arms. So I suppose it saddens me and I long to have had a child born even with Down's Syndrome as opposed to not having had that child at all.


  1. Every child is difficult to raise and I would like to think of it as this little soul needed extra love and attention and God knew that those parents could give that child those qualities. There isn't such a thing as 'normal'. Terribly sorry to hear about your miscarriage, I know that must have been very difficult, at the time, and everytime that you think about the child.

  2. We had no idea you had miscarried - I can't even imagine your pain! And I hope you were able to share what a blessing this child is to this family - I know many families who their child with disabilities bring them such joy and a sunshine of light to their life!!

  3. i join with others sympathising with your own loss, i cant imagine what it must be like to lose a child. you (and your work colleague), might be interested to read this blog http://www.victorialily.blogspot.com/
    this is a homeschooling family of....i think 11 children, the last one was born with downs, they have had alot of worries about health etc but what shines out is the absolute joy victoria brings to all those around her. hope its a blog which blesses you as much as it does me.