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I like to think of myself as the 'crazy mom of four'. I'm 31 years old and I love my life, my kids, my husband and my God. "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose." Jim Eliot

Saturday, March 7, 2009

It's me again

It's too late (early depending on how you look at it) and I am too tired for anything heavy or interesting.  But I am still alive!  I have just really busy.  Tomorrow is the first day I can remember where we have nothing planned.  No work for me, nowhere to go, nothing we have to do...Kris and I are both really looking forward to this.  Kris dad came out yesterday and layed (laid) large carpet squares down in our basement (no padding in case it floods again).  So we spent the evening getting that back to a liveable space.  It's so nice to have that space again! 

My medication is in full swing within my body.  It feels good to feel alive again.  It feels good to be able to get out of bed in the morning.  3 days this past week I got to work by 7:30am (one day by 7am).  This, my friends, is miraculous as before I was lucky to make it to work before 9am.  Fortunately for me my schedule is obviously somewhat flexible.  But because I got in earlier, even with leaving at 3pm most days so I can be home when the bus comes with my kids, I haven't had to work in the evenings and don't have to work Saturday to make up the hours.  I'm still getting the hang of managing my anxiety/panic attacks.  I have gone from taking the Xanax 3 times a day to primarily only taking it before bed to help me sleep.  The last two evenings I have taken it while the kids were still up, having been feeling more on edge than usual.  But it's nice that I am not dependent upon it!  And the Rozerem, now that my mind isn't constantly churning (because I take the Xanax before bed) is actually doing it's job and helping me fall asleep and STAY asleep.  This hasn't happened in a long time.  I tested the theory of whether or not the Xanax helped me sleep.  Sure enough-the two nights that I didn't take it in conjunction with the Rozerem-I could not fall asleep and kept waking up.  So for now, the Wellbutrin, the Xanax and the Rozerem are a great evening cocktail.  And because I am sleeping better and because the Wellbutrin is now fully in my system, I am less overwhelmed and anxious and therefore do not need the Xanax on a regular basis.  I am happy about this, as there is always the concern of becoming addicted to certain medications.

Kaleb and I have gone to the psychologist twice now.  We go back this coming Monday, and then 2 weeks from that day as well.  It is good.  It is necessary.  It is expensive.  But it is worth it.  I am calmer with Kaleb (and the others as well) with my medication but also with the new techniques/revelations from the therapy and Kaleb I think really likes that attention and he is actually really excited to go to his appointments.  I think that this is a good thing.

We are gearing up for a big trip over spring break, which begins on Friday.  Friday is not technically part of spring break, but it may as well be.  There are parent/teacher conferences Thursday (so the kids of course have yet another half day after being off a whole day today too) and then are off again on Friday.  I think it is odd that they are doing it this way...but it is kind of nice for travelling I suppose.  You kind of get an extra day and a half head start.  We don't, because I think Cindy may still have school that day and we didn't realize they had this day off until last week but that's beside the point.  So I am planning to take off Friday to be home with the kids, and then I can get everything packed and ready for our long journey to Hershey, Pennsylvania.  I am looking forward to it.  It will be nice to get away, though I will still need to do some work from there so that I can afford to take time off in June when Kris and I go to Miami.

This is what happens when I wait until 1:00am to start writing.  I babble on with useless information that no one but me really cares about.  But that's ok...because as I have said before...this is my blog and I can write about whatever I want!  :-)

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