About Me

My photo
I like to think of myself as the 'crazy mom of four'. I'm 31 years old and I love my life, my kids, my husband and my God. "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose." Jim Eliot

Tuesday, August 5, 2008


I have a lot of fears and anxieties. This is not news to most people. I call myself paranoid. Kris always makes fun of me whenever I have a new 'worry'. For instance, if I have an unusual headache, I worry that there might be something else going on besides the fact that I didn't have my morning Diet Dr. Pepper. This is a bit of an exaggeration-I am just using that scenario to illustrate what I am trying to say. I've self-diagnosed myself with restless leg syndrome among other things.

What I realized tonight though is that I only do this when I don't truly beleive there is something wrong with me. For instance, I have this annoying pain in the back of my leg, behind my knee. It's been there all day-it feels almost like a pulled muscle or something similar. So what do I 'worry' that it might be? A blood clot. Now, mind you, fearing a blood clot is a very valid concern and one that I will not take lightly. I had my first blood clot 10 years ago, and based on this Factor V Leiden that I have, there is no way of predicting whether I will get another one. And I have done research on Factor V Leiden and blood clots, as it is a real concern for me. And I also know that pain in the back of your leg (behind your knee), especially when accompanied by swelling (which I DO NOT have) CAN be a sign of a clot. So, that is how I ended up writing about this, because the pain in my leg raised certain questions.

The reality is that I do not truly believe that I have a blood clot, though I am not stupid enough that I will not call my doctor if the pain does not subside. I was contemplating this, knowing that Kris thinks I am a bit of a hypochondriac, and I have to disagree with him. What I realized tonight is that I am more talk than anything. I speculate quite a bit-especially when I don't feel right-but it is only when I don't really believe anything to be wrong that I do this. When there is actually something wrong with me, I am very simply in denial that anything is wrong with me. I will insist that I am fine. Had Kris and his dad not pushed me 10 years ago to go to the doctor when my arm turned purpled and swelled up like a balloon for no apparent reason, I probably would not have gone-at least not right away.

So, what Kris and I decided tonight is that because I 'worry' that something is wrong with my leg, based on my history and paranoia when there is truly nothing serious wrong, that I must be just fine. Sounds logical, right?

1 comment:

  1. I say if it still hurts on Monday - go to the doctor. Better safe than sorry.