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I like to think of myself as the 'crazy mom of four'. I'm 31 years old and I love my life, my kids, my husband and my God. "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose." Jim Eliot

Monday, September 14, 2009

I find it strange how quickly a day can go from good, to bad, to worse, to unbearable all over the course of an hour. I realize that the biggest reason this happens to me from time to time is that my emotions are less than stable. Today was insane. Work went pretty good, aside from the normal pain that distracts me. I was feeling a little anxious thinking about how crazy everything has become. I managed to work for 8 hours and left pretty much on time at 3:30pm. I had a nice drive to pick the kids up, listening to The Time Traveler's Wife. 12 hours in it finally had me wanting to take it in and listen to it just to listen, and not just to occupy my drive time. I got to the kids' school and they were sort of ready to go. More ready than they usually are. Usually it's a 15 minute ordeal while they clean up everything and then we have to get backpacks and lunch boxes and get back out to the car. Today the kids decided they would be just mean and hateful to each other the whole way to Hazelwood West for Abbey's speech therapy. Primarily it was Kaleb and Abbey fighting. Livvy just kept whining and screaming whenever I didn't acknowledge her whining. Kat sat pretty quietly-I was thankful for that.

We make it over to Hazelwood West and I have NO idea where to go. I'm lucky I knew how to get there to begin with! I wound up going in the right door and could see other small children and their parents milling about, so I figured that I had to be close to the right spot. Still, I don't like new settings and not knowing what to do or where to go. Luckily Abbey's speech therapist was waiting outside and it was a painless process getting her to the right room. The kids had already finished their homework so I couldn't force them to sit there quietly for the next 30 minutes. And Kaleb thought it would be funny to slide around on the floor! The first time he did it, I told him to stop. The second time I am pretty sure he did it just to irritate me. Livvy kept running around screaming. Finally I just told them to all go sit on a bench and be quiet for 5 minutes. This worked...sort of. As well as it can work I suppose. Then I let them get up and they started being crazy all over again! Big surprise. Finally Abbey finishes and we head back out to go home. Kaleb and Abbey thought it would be great to just be mean to each other. Kaleb was saying mean things to Abbey, which in turn made Abbey whine and tattle, and then Abbey kicked Kaleb which of course made him whine and tattle. I finally broke down. I was about 5 minutes from home and I'd had enough. Thank God I just burst into tears instead of screaming at them. But then Katherine is sitting there trying to hold my hand and asking me why I am crying and all I can do is just keep driving and get us home.

We made it home. Kaleb and Katherine took themselves to Kaleb's room and actually managed to play nicely together. I sent Livvy and Abbey downstairs to watch TV. Kris had gone to the store and wasn't home yet. So I just sat down in my chair with a blanket and turned my phone back on to listen to my book and zone out. Kris came home and I must not have looked great because he seemed overly concerned about my demeanor. We made it through dinner with only a little fighting and now thankfully they have all gotten jammies on and gone downstairs. It's pretty quiet for the moment. We'll do devotions in about 20 minutes, put them in bed, and I am hoping that I am in bed not far behind them!

I really wish this kind of stuff didn't bother me. I wish that I could tune it out and not be annoyed by the whining and bickering. I haven't quite learned how though. I'm sure it has a lot to do with God and very little to do with me though.

On a different note, we are going to a Cardinals game on Wednesday. I don't really care about baseball...at all. Baseball is apparently very 'big' in St. Louis. I grew up with basketball being the 'thing' in Indiana. I like basketball. Baseball though has never really interested me. BUT, last year ICS (the company I work for) started a tradition I guess you could say where in the fall we go to a Cardinals game. Wednesday is that day. I'll work from the office downtown and then we'll go to the game in the afternoon. It will be fun interacting with the office staff I think, even though I don't care for baseball. Plus, who can resist ball park food, especially when it's paid for by the company! ;-)

Tomorrow Olivia turns four...it's so hard to believe that four years have passed. Do you realize that this is the first time we have gone this long without a baby? We were married for a year and a half before Katherine was born. Kaleb came 10 1/2 months later, Abbey 13 months later, and then we had a three year break before Olivia was born. And now, it seems so strange that four years have gone by and we have no little one in the house anymore. How quickly time goes by.

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