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I like to think of myself as the 'crazy mom of four'. I'm 31 years old and I love my life, my kids, my husband and my God. "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose." Jim Eliot

Monday, January 18, 2010

God why did you create us this way?

I've been struggling with so many different emotions today, most of them not happy. In fact, I've been on the verge of tears most of the evening. The frustrations of being unable to function at 100% after my knee surgery are definitely a factor. It seems like I start to make strides in progress and gain more strength only to have a set back. Tonight while unloading groceries, I tripped on something and twisted my knee and it immediately sent pain through my whole leg and started swelling. So I'm down for the count for the evening. I took some vicodin which I had managed to do without for 4 days and am finally feeling some relief.

I thought I was going to have a meltdown in the grocery store. Not only is it still difficult for me to buy food in a cost efficient manner that is 'safe' for me to eat, but now Olivia's soy bean oil allergy seems to be getting more severe which has left me no alternative but to completely cut soy bean/soy bean oil out of her diet. Do you know how many foods have soy bean oil in them???? And I thought it was hard to find food without corn syrup and sugar and vinegar! But soy bean oil? Much more dominant in the processed foods. I did find some Matzo crackers today that I believe I can break up and put some almond butter on for her and I had her taste the crackers and she liked them so at least now I can make some semblance of a sandwich for her school lunches. That is what is so hard...finding things that she can take to school so that she doesn't have to heat it up. It was a very depressing night at the grocery store tonight. It's one thing to learn how to cook yeast-free for myself, but it is even more difficult to think about how and what to cook for Olivia. I'd really love to get my whole family away from the yeast/sugar/gluten and I think with a lot of work and practice in kitchen I can get at least all of the kids there. Kris on the other hand...well...he may be quite a bit more resistant. Though, fortunately for him, MEAT is safe and he is definitely a meat and potatoes kind of guy.

It's just been a 'down' kind of day. I know that when I wake up in the morning I will feel better. This happens from time to time and it always gets better.

I go back to physical therapy tomorrow for my knee. I went last Tuesday and it was a very grueling hour! But I have done my exercises faithfully for a week and will continue to. I am walking better, though I still think most of the time there is a noticeable limp. It will just continue to improve with physical therapy. I just hope that tomorrow I don't cry the whole time like I did last week!

I have been having a lot of fun lately reading some blogs, primarily thanks to the help of Google Reader. I've mentioned before that I am a Google lover. Yesterday I discovered Google reader and it is awesome! Now all the blogs I find with gluten-free or sugar-free recipes are all in one place instead of spread out as bookmarks on three different computers. Better still, I get a notification when there is a new post right in my Google Chrome browser. Additionally, if I am surfing for a specific new blog, when I come across it, with the same button on my browser I can just add it to my reader. I really have become such a geek, but I'm OK with that. Technology, even with all of its frustrations and occasional problems, really amazes me. Some sites I highly recommend are listed below. They are either about Google or gluten-free recipes. Check them out if you have some time.

First and foremost, my own blog about my ups and downs of living yeast-free:

Some new favorites that I can't wait to read through and catch up on are:
My newest favorite is one that chronicles another person's journey to living yeast-free and I have found a lot of encouragement in it today, as I have fallen into the 'I-just-had-knee-surgery-and-just-don't-care-right-now' trap! I'm getting out of it though. Starting now. The fridge is stocked again with foods that I can make and eat, after a month and a half of Kris buying things that are quick and easy for him and the kids since I have sort of been out of commission.

And if you want to check out Google Reader, try this link:

I cannot wait to go back to the YMCA. I had planned to go last Thursday when Kris and Kaleb went to Tae Kwon Do, but Katherine really wanted to stay home, so I stayed home with her and Abbey. But the physical therapist told me that I can walk in the pool and try the stationary bike. He said that I may not be able to get all the way around on the bike but it was safe to start trying and to only go as far as my knee would let me.

It feels good to write again. I've missed it so much. I've just been in kind of a slump for the last couple of weeks. Sickness or injury always seem to do that. But I'm tired of it and hope to get back to losing weight. I'm down 20 lbs since Oct. 23 and while I lost most of that within the first 6 weeks, at least with all my eating poorly lately I have maintained the weight. But it's time to stop messing around and to start eating healthy again. It is vital, not only for me but for Olivia too. In some ways it would be easier if I were a stay at home mom and had time during the day to experiment and try these new recipes that use the alternative flours and sugars, but I don't. So I will just have to do what I can, when I can.

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