Writing

I feel the urge to write. I don't know what is on my mind to say. This happens frequently. I want to write, and I just start. Tonight though, while I want to write, it doesn't come easily to me. I feel like there is something inside of me, needing to be said, wanting to escape and yet it can't. So I will just go with some boring, random nothingness instead.

I've been listening to a very interesting book. It's called "The Shape of Mercy" by Susan Meissner I beleive. I just grabbed it from the library. The back of it sounded interesting and so I checked it out. It turns out that it is actually a very good book. Extremely well written, and the reader is excellent. I only have about 45 minutes left and I am eager to see how it will end. It has really gotten me interested in doing some research on the Salem Witch Trials. For whatever reason, I am fascinated by things like the Salem Witch Trials. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I think there's something wrong with me!

I was looking for something specific I wrote earlier. I thought I had written it a year or so ago. I had to go back through THREE years of blogs on Myspace to find the one I was looking for. In doing that, I realized that I have written A LOT in the last 3-4 years. Someday I'll go through and print everything. It would be interesting to see what all is in there-weed out the boring, mindless stuff and compile the funny stories about the kids, or the odd things I've seen and heard. I am sure there's a book in there somewhere! Now, whether anyone would read it or not is another story! It's really neat though to look back through some of that stuff-even better to come across some funny things the kids have said or done that I completely forgot about!

My daughter's mind

This is one of those stories I just couldn't make up if I tried.

Katherine (she's 8) has a homework assignment she is working on. They are talking about plants and she had to come up with a list of items we use from day to day that are made from plants.

She came up with her list and wrote them down. Now comes the time to draw the pictures of these items. Now, when I first read her list, I admit-I skimmed right over the part where she wrote medicine. I SAW that she wrote medicine, but it didn't stand out to me in any way. Why would it?

So she brings her paper over to me and mumbled something about ' that medicine you take (and then some words I couldn't really understand)'. I said "What?" She started to rephrase it and said "Oh yeah. How do you spell Xanax?"

Nice. I love that girl! Of course, I told her how to spell it. She had drawn a small medicine bottle on her paper (obviously to represent 'medicine' in her list) and she even made a label for it and wanted to write Xanax on the label. She assured me that it was small enough no one would really see it anyway.

I found the whole thing quite amusing, so I had to share. We don't hide things here in the Bishop household...obviously. And now that I think back, she probably asked "What's that medicine you take that makes you not get angry?"

New Routines = Cranky Mommy

I had gotten so far distanced from the routine of dropping kids at school and picking them up that I forgot that it was the one thing I absolutely HATED about having my kids at Grace. One of my least favorite places to be with my kids is cooped up in a vehicle. And I was SO glad when we decided to put the kids in public school last year, for two reasons. Not having to take them and Abbey getting all of her therapy right there during the school day.

Over the last year (this past summer included), I had really begun to enjoy driving back and forth to work. I have my books to listen to and my drive to work is, in a way, me time. I got used to that time. I got used to it so much that when I go places now, and someone is with me, I feel like they are 'intruding' on my time. It's not just the kids either-it's any time that I am in my Explorer driving somewhere with someone. Don't get me wrong-I enjoy the conversation but I hadn't realized how much I NEEDED that driving time alone! It doesn't bother me when we're in the van and Kris is driving. I have somehow though come to believe that when I am in the Explorer, by myself, listening to my books, that this is a refuge for me.

So you can imagine the shock to my system this week when I started driving four rambunctious children back and forth to school. It wasn't just that I couldn't listen to my book. It's that my morning now starts out with fighting. The kids fight. They whine. They play in a much crazier fashion than what is appropriate in a small, enclosed space. And over the last two days I have come to realize that perhaps this is why I am feeling more edgy and anxious this week and having a harder time with the general child-rearing. This week has brought back all the negative feelings I had before when the kids were at Grace. I'm conflicted because I am SO thrilled and thankful that they are able to go back to Grace. What bothers me is the physical act of driving them to school and then picking them up. There hasn't been a single day this week (except Tuesday) that was free of the normal bickering and chaos in the car. And the only reason Tuesday was free of that was because Kris dropped the kids off for me and Dean brought them home. I have agreed, with some hesitation, to let Dean pick the kids up and take them to the house on Tuesdays and Thursdays-Kris works from home these days and so he is already there when Dean drops them off.

I hope that this is a quick adjustment for me because I'm really struggling to adjust to this new change in my routine.

But I am realizing more and more that change is difficult for me. I don't remember having such a hard time being flexible-though I know I've struggled with it off and on but it seems that lately it's gotten much worse. So this week has been REALLY hard. Throw in the normal busy-ness of life and crazy times at work and I feel like I'm barely hanging on some days. This will definitely take some getting used to!

Things I Just Don't Understand

http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/news/stories.nsf/stcharles/story/3B58782910E1622186257618000D05B1?OpenDocument#tp_newCommentAnchor

A 9 year old boy was killed after being hit by a car. The boy had gotten out of the car, apparently crossed the road to save a duck, and was then struck and killed by an 18 year old girl. I heard about this story about 15 minutes ago and I can't get it off my mind.

Let me go back and say that when my cousin's wife was shot, people were commenting left and right on the articles that were written. In a senseless tragedy like she was involved in, people were saying negative things, placing blame on God and any other shred of anything they could. There were people expressing their sympathies, promising prayer, and many other positive things. But there will still those handful of people who somehow felt like THEIR opinion needed to be heard. To those people, I say "WRITE A BLOG!" No one cares, especially people you don't know, people that are grieving over one loss or another. So if you really want to 'share' you opinion, create a blog, like I did. Then, if people WANT to read it, they can CHOOSE to and not be exposed to such negativity. I don't really care if people read this or not (unless it's Kris-I expect him to read it!). I write for me. And today I can't focus until I get this off my chest. And if someone doesn't like what I have to say, well that's not my problem. I'm not posting horrible comments in some public forum blaming God and blaming other people for something that could or could not have been avoided. I'm writing MY opinion, on MY blog, that you are reading of your own accord (again unless you're Kris-he has to read this whether he wants to or not!).

So, back to the story about this little boy. I read the article and immediately began to imagine what the mother of the boy must be going through; how she must be blaming herself for choosing to let her son try to help the duck. And it saddens me. Did she make a poor decision? Who are any of us to lay blame on her? We don't know the exact scenario-only what the media puts out. There could have been so many factors involved in this situation that no one but God and the mother and boy knew. For someone to say she was an irresponsbile parent (and plenty of idiots have been saying this) is just stupid. Raise your hand if you have never, EVER made a stupid decision as a parent. I don't see any hands. THANK GOD that we have yet to be faced with having made a decision that may have cost our child their life. And ultimately, in this particular situation, we don't know what thoughts went through this mother's head. We don't know what went on in the moments that led up to this awful tragedy. So there is NO ONE out there who has any right to point fingers and blame this mother. Whether she made a poor decision or not (which again we can't know!), her 9 year old son is dead! She can never, ever take that back. She can't go back back and change it. She can't set the clock back and make a different choice. She has to now live the rest of her life wrestling with what I can only guess is an exceedingly great amount of blame and guilt. Because the truth is, even if there was NOTHING she could do to prevent it, she will blame herself. She will think there had to be something she could have done different-so if you feel the need to stand up and condemn here-I can guarantee you she is condemning herself already with much more intensity than you ever will. She will carry guilt with her that only God can take away. She will never be the same. I've never lost a young child but even I can see that the mother's life is forever changed by this.

Additionally, there are people throwing blame around on the 18 year old girl that was driving. The accident has been ruled just that-an accident. Her view, it seems, was blocked. Before she could see the boy and react, it was too late. How many of you have EVER been driving and almost caused an accident for one reason or another? I have a hard time believing that there is anyone out there who has never acted foolishly while driving. People sit around and judge these drivers who are involved in accidents that cause death everyday. Who are any of us to look at someone else's awful situation and think "Well, I would never do anything so stupid!"? The truth is, yes you would. You probably already have. Unlike this situation, though, we have been 'lucky' (though I prefer the word blessed). We haven't had to face this type of horror. And until you have been in that situation, you are an idiot if you think you can sit back and say "Well it was the mom's fault" or "The girl should have paid more attention" or (and this is my favorite) "There MUST not be a God because if there were, He would NEVER let something like this happen."

I went through this same emotional uproar when I learned about the accident Mercy Me was involved in where a young woman was driving and turned into their tour bus, killing two passengers in her car, as well as her unborn baby. You would not believe the horrible things people were saying about this young girl that was driving. How can people have so little compassion that they find more comfort in criticizing others for something that very well could have happened to them instead of grieving that these types of things happen? I won't even go into the details about what this teenage driver had to wake up to - two friends killed and her baby (who was due to be born in 5 weeks) delivered stillborn at the hospital. Can people not take a minute and step down from the high pedastal they put themselves on and imagine if this were them? Or if this were their daughter? Or their best friend? Or their sister?

People can be so callous and so mean. In times of tragedy, how is it that there are people out there who behave this way? Are they not human? Have they never done anything wrong? Have they never been 'this close' to being in an accident, to rear-ending someone? No one is perfect. There is not a single person who can claim that this type of thing would never happen to them. Because the truth is, that's impossible to know. Contrary to popular belief, we are not in control of our lives. Yes, to some extent we are. But you can't prevent your own death. You can't ensure that tragedy will never strike you.

But then what do you do with God? How do you handle that aspect of tragedy? What I find most interesting is that people who claim that they do not believe in God use tragedy as an excuse to 'prove' that there is no God, or that there is a God and he just doesn't care. How this makes sense in people's mind I just cannot fathom. Anyone who believes in God and knows Jesus as a close, personal friend knows that it is not that God causes tragedy (unless you hold to a certain religious view that I do not hold to that is along the lines of predestination). There are of course people who do believe that everything we do God planned. And that He chooses for things to be a certain way. I do not believe this. I don't believe that if your child dies in the womb or after birth, God somehow ordained that. Did he prevent it from happening? No. But I don't think that he causes these things. I believe that God loves me. I believe that Jesus died to save me from a life of sin and death. I believe that bad things happen to good and bad people alike. I believe that man (people/the world) is fallen and sinful, and has been from the start. Of course it wasn't what God wanted. It wasn't what he envisioned. Think about it as a parent, if you have children. Even when they are young, we have plans and dreams for our children. On a day to day basis we have certain expectations that we want to see met. Do our children get it right all of the time? NO. They barely get it right 75% of the time! Do we love them any less? Of course not! Can we 'control' ultimately their behavior and choices? No. The same is true with God. It really IS that simple. He is our Father and he may want us to do something a certain way, but he leaves the choice in our hands. He LETS us, as we are learning to walk, to stumble and fall. He doesn't yell at us and say "Get up off the floor you idiot-that's not what I told you to do." No, he picks us up, dusts us off and then encourages us try again. And we fail. Over and over again. And each time, he picks us up and let's us give it another go.

So when tragedy strikes, there is this great need to 'blame' someone. I have never understood this, but neither had I been able to really make sense of it or explain it either. Do you know why there is really no answer as to why bad things happen? Why there are senseless deaths everyday? Why there are natural disasters that kills thousands of people? Because bad stuff just happens. We don't live in a perfect world, some sort of reality where we can expect to never have anything bad happen to us. Who ever gave anyone that idea?? Who are we to think we deserve that? Why would we presume that we will never have to face hard times? Christian or not, bad things are going to happen in your life. They will show themselves in many different forms. No, you may not ever have to bury one of your children. You may not lose a parent. You may not lose an arm or a leg in some freak accident. Your home may not ever be demolished by a tornado. But bad things will happen. I never had an answer to how God could 'let' such awful things happen, if he is such a great and loving God. And then, a few years ago, my friend Mary told me something I will never forget. I think about it everytime something tragic happens. You know what she told me? She told me that yes, God allows some things to happen. We will never know if what happens is something God chose to allow or if it was just life. Simply put, she said "Sometimes LIFE happens." Think about it. You can't go through your life thinking that you are immune to the sufferings that surround us. Consider yourself BLESSED and be thankful if you don't ever have to endure some of the horrible things that happen around us every day. Don't sit around and judge others and presume that you are better than the 18 year old driver who unfortunately was responsible for the death of two friends and her unborn child.

Closer to home for me, don't sit around and think for a second that YOU would never be that driver not paying close enough attention who plows into the back of a van, killing a young mother on her way to Six Flags with her two youngest sons and her brother and sister, all who were killed in one horrible moment. Trust me. You don't EVER want to bear that kind of weight for the rest of your life, whether you are a family member, friend, OR yes I am going to say it, the driver of the dump truck that caused the accident. You are not immune to it. I know the family who lost their 5 loved ones on July 29, 2005. I knew Angi and Josh and Jacob. I went to the funeral and I watched those 5 caskets be carried out of the church. I listened to Shawn say through tears about each one of them that they "gave the best hugs". It is not a moment I ever wish to relive, let alone one that I want to experience as the wife, or sister, or mother. And I just think that people shouldn't be so quick to say careless things and act as if things like this will never happen to them. Furthermore, I don't think anyone has any right to believe that they will never cause something like this. We are all human. We mess up. And when tragedy happens, some people only see and think "How could a loving God let this happen?"

What they don't see is what happens after this kind of tragedy, time and time again. How God surrounds those grieving with love and comfort that no human being can give. If you ever wonder how a man can go on after losing his wife and two of his sons, or a brother can cope with the loss of his mother and two younger brothers, the answer is God. That 'person' people are so quick to blame. It is in relying on God and the strength and peace that only HE can give that people are able to heal and move on with their lives. Shawn and Alex will never, ever forget what happened. They will always miss Angi and Josh and Jacob-nothing will take that away! But it is by God's grace and God's strength that they are able to wake up each day and get out of bed. Is it fair that tragedy happens? No. But when were we ever promised that life would be fair? When has life been perfect? Never! It is only in turning to God and allowing him to wrap his arms around you and hold you that you can ever endure such pain.

Mamma Mia!

When I first watched this movie, I was extremely critical of it. Kris had taken me to the Fabulous Fox Theatre to see Mamma Mia when it was in St. Louis last. It was AMAZING! Absolutely the funnest and funniest musical I have ever seen. I was in love with the music and story before I ever saw the musical. When I saw the musical, questions were answered and even some of the songs took on a different meaning than what I had imagined, just listening to the music.

So naturally I was excited when I heard they were making the movie. I thought that if it turned out anything liked Phantom of the Opera turned out that it would be awesome! I think that the movie version of that musical was as close to the real thing as you could get.

Kris took me to see the movie. It was a horrible disappointment. The acting was sub-par in my mind. And the songs just weren't as 'moving' as they are on the soundtrack or live. And then, then I heard Meryl Streep singing. It wasn't awful, but it wasn't good either. Her voice just didn't do the songs justice. But I tolerated it. I thought, well that's ok - I can get over that and enjoy the movie. And then I heard Pierce Brosnan sing. I felt the urge to get up and leave the theater. He sounded horrible. It sounded like he was trying too hard to force his voice to hit the right notes and his voice in general just didn't fit. I couldn't believe that they actually produced the movie with him as Sam. The movie was a HUGE let down. I had hoped it would be good so that I could own it and pull it out whenever I needed an Abba fix and enjoy the story all over again. But from the first few notes that came out of Brosnan's voice, I knew I wouldn't be owning THAT adaptation of Mamma Mia.

But last night I stopped by the library. I wanted to have some movies to watch, as I have a night to myself tonight. I saw Mamma Mia and I just really wanted to experience the 'story' and the music again. I thought that perhaps I had been too critical and maybe, just maybe if I watched it again, I would realize that I was just overly critical.

So I gave it another try. You know what? Pierce Brosnan still sounds just as bad! Meryl Streep was tolerable, like the first time I watched it - but overall I still felt like the movie was a disappointment. Am the ONLY person that thought that Pierce Brosnan was horrible in this movie, specifically his singing? Really? Did no one else HATE listening to him?

Playing Catch Up

This is the first weekend in a very long time that I have felt like I could take the time to just chill out and relax. Oddly enough, Kris is not home this weekend and that somehow makes it easier.

My sister has been out here helping us with the kids these last two weeks so that Kris could go in to the office. Today she told me that Abbey came out and said "Kaleb said the 't' word." I asked Jenny what the 't' word was. The 't' word to my speech impaired almost-seven-year-old was 'tupid'!

Olivia has this stuffed mermaid that she has been playing with a lot. She can't quite say mermaid so whenever she talks about the mermaid, she calls it 'wormaid'. Sounds so cute and funny coming from her little mouth. Livvy is also really into kissing right now. I think one of her favorite things to do is climb up in your lap and just start kissing. First she starts kissing my hand. She has some sort of routine that is routine and yet random at the same time. Eventually she says "I want to kiss you with my lips." Then she starts planting kisses all over your face.

Tonight we are watching The Golden Compass for movie night. There are, of course, a few parts that are probably a little too much for my almost 4 year old, but mostly she's fine. She just keeps saying stuff like "This movie is freaking me out!" and "This movie is making me tired." Silly girl.

Updates Galore

Many of you know that back in October I started experiencing pain in between my shoulder blades, on the right side. My doctor sent me to physical therapy and after 9 sessions, my shoulder was beginning to feel better.

I was fine until March. That is when I started experiencing pain on the left side of my neck and it was accompanied by the same nagging pain in between my shoulder blades. So back to the doctor I went. He had me try Davocet, Mobic, and a number of other pain killers and muscle relaxers. None of them even dulled the pain I was experiencing. The doctor sent me back to physical therapy and we worked on adjusting my posture and seating at work. Sadly we are pretty limited in how much we can change within my work environment, due to the fact that I do not work in our office building-I work off-site and there are only certain adjustments we can make to the desk and chair. After a third round of physical therapy and more X-rays there was still no relief and no explanation.

Blood tests were negative for Rheumatoid Arthritis. But apparently blood tests can't rule out ALL types of arthritis. The doctor ordered an MRI. His office called today to relay that the MRI revealed some arthritis and now he is sending me to a Neurosurgeon for treatment options.

The only thing that has given me any kind of relief is something my sister brought me a sample of - Bio Freeze. Now that was RELIEF! Too bad it only lasted for two applications. I need a large vat of that!

More to come on that saga later.

Wisdom Tooth Problem Solved

I no longer have to worry about whether or not I should get my wisdom teeth out. The last 3 days I have had a lot of pain on the lower right side of my jaw - and I can actually FEEL the stupid tooth there. It's quite uncomfortable and I don't think it will get better. So I suppose I will probably elect to go ahead and have them all taken out before this one starts trying to break through the skin/gums.

Bridge Night

I've come to love Thursday nights. We have started playing Bridge again on Thursday nights with the people that taught us to love this great game! We're gearing up for the St. Louis Regional Tournament-polishing up our skills so we don't look like idiots at the tournament. For anyone of you who were reading my blog this time last year, this is the same tournament at which Kris and I earned our first (partial) Master Point! It was a very exciting time for us. Make fun if you will, but if you don't play the game, know that you are truly missing out! Here are some Bridge quotes I found that I really liked-note-you probably won't 'get' them unless you play the game:

"The real test of a bridge player isn't in keeping out of trouble, but in escaping once he's in."

"If you have the slightest touch of masochism you'll love this game."

"One advantage of bad bidding is that you get practice at playing atrocious contracts."

"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits."

"We had a partnership misunderstanding. My partner assumed I knew what I was doing."

"We play forcing hesitations."

Teeth

Image via Wikipedia

I hate teeth. I don't think I always hated teeth (nor did I ever LOVE them). It seemed to start when Katherine started losing her teeth. Don't get me wrong. I am extremely thankful that I have a mouth full of teeth. But I hate looking at my kids teeth when they are loose. It makes me cringe. I can't stand to see them messing with them and pulling them back and forth. Just thinking about it grosses to me. Kaleb is losing his teeth now too, which is why this is on my mind. Not to mention the fact that Kaleb and I were at the dentist today. I tried a new recipe out today. It was for a Chocolate Pecan Pound Cake. Sadly I was out of pecans so it was just a Chocolate Pound Cake. Smells delicious! I'm still loving Google Calendar and iGoogle. Oh I wanted to ask some opinions on something. My mind is back and forth tonight-forgive the flightiness! So I have all of my wisdom teeth still. They have NEVER bothered me. At all. Not even a little bit. But when I went to the dentist last month for the first time in (at least) 12 years, I was told that they SHOULD be removed. Well, I wasn't TOLD. I was ENCOURAGED to have them removed. She said that once you pass the age of 35, they recommend that you just leave them in, because most likely if they haven't bothered you yet, you PROBABLY won't have any problems with them. But because I was still under 35, she was telling me that she would recommend having them removed, so as to avoid any problems when I am older. But it just doesn't make sense for me to voluntarily go in for a surgery that I don't technically 'need'-not to mention one I don't WANT! So, here's my question. If you were in my shoes, what would you do? Would you elect to have all four wisdom teeth removed, or would you 'risk' it and just hope that your good luck with them doesn't run out when you're 50 years old?

A little treat...

Image by adamhenning via Flickr

So lately I have been having trouble resisting the temptation to go the vending machine and get a late afternoon snack. Most days I don't give in. Today was another tempting day. But there is someone here at work that keeps all kinds of snacks in her drawer. One of the little pleasures she keeps that I have been allowing myself, instead of getting chocolate of some sort, is the best 1 minute bubble gum ever!

Dubble Bubble! Not Super Bubble. DUBBLE BUBBLE! There IS a difference.

Breathe...

How many times must I lose 15 minutes of text I've written before I learn to click the 'save draft' button? Seriously. It sure would save me some outbursts of anger!

I have been trying out some new features with Google. I used to use the iGoogle home page because you had the ability to see all your favorite sites all in one place. I don't remember why I stopped using it. Probably because I didn't have anything useful on my home page. Today, however, I decided to go back to it. And one of the things I found that I could add to my home page is Blogger. And when you add it, it places a small box on your home page where you can add a post. It's really very convenient and will probably make it easier for me to update this blog. That may not seem like a GOOD thing to you, but it is to ME!

What motivated me to utilize iGoogle as my home page again was the Google Calendar. I'm forgetful. I don't remember things if I don't put it in my phone, or write it down. And if I write it down, I have an 80% chance of losing the paper I wrote it down on! With school approaching, and physical therapy and dentist appointments, there is a lot to try to remember. When I had my Treo 700wx, the calendar feature was pretty good but it always annoyed me to enter things in to my phone and then set reminders. When I got my Samsung Instinct, the calendar there was much worse than that on the Treo 700wx. So, when a friend was telling us a couple weeks ago about the Google Calendar, I started contemplating whether or not I wanted to take the time to check it out.

Let's say (HYOPTHETICALLY OF COURSE!) that you are by nature a forgetful person. You are by nature not good with dates and times. Let's say you have children in school and we'll also say (HYPOTHETICALLY) that these children fortunately have a key (FINALLY) and are able to let themselves into their own house when they get home from school, if hypothetically necessary. It isn't an ideal situation, especially when your oldest hypothetical child is only 8 years old. However, in case of emergencies, it's a must. Being the scatter-brained, not-100%-responsible hypothetical parent, you can't keep track of when the kids have half days and when they don't. And let's face it, these hypothetical kids have hypothetical half days more than they have full days of school! So, prior to using an actual calendar, you accidentally forget (or hypothetically you have NO CLUE) that there is a half day of school. And your child has to hypothetically call you at work and tell you that he (or SHE) is home from school and forgot to tell you there was a half day, at which point you have to get in the car and make the 30 minute drive home praying that nothing bad happens to them during that time. See how a calendar would come in handy? I DO!

And if I don't SEE it in front of me, chances are I am not going to remember it! A reminder on my phone is too easy to dismiss if I am in the middle of something when the reminder goes off. iGoogle allows you to add different boxes to customize your homepage. And adding Google Calendar is one of the options. So now, when I open up Google Chrome in the morning (which happens every morning without FAIL), I will SEE right in front of me what is on the calendar for that day. In addition, because of the ability to add more than one calendar, I can see what each member of my family has going on that day. Everyone gets their own calendar, with their own entries, and you can see right away if something overlaps, or if there is a conflict. If you use different social networking sites, most of them you can add to your iGoogle home page. So, I've got Twitter (though I RARELY use this), Facebook, Gmail, and Blogger all on my home page. And I can do anything I normally do right from my iGoogle home page. Want to update my Twitter status or 'tweet'? Done on the home page. Want to update my Facebook status without being drawn into all the crazy addicting Facebook apps during work? Done on the home page. Want to use my 15 minute break to post a blog in the middle of the day? Again, done on the home page. Although, with Blogger, I would suggest saving the draft before you leave the page or you will wind up annoyed because your post has disappeared and you didn't save it!!

This is what my iGoogle home page looks like. I put the calendar in the top left so I see it first thing.

Here is what my calendar for this week looks like (see below). The colors on the left hand side are my individual calendars. And the tasks or dates on the calendar are color coded to match the person tied to that particular 'event'. I've got PT, then Kaleb and I both have dentist appointments, and then Kris and I (HOPEFULLY) are playing Bridge Thursday night. I have even added the St. Louis Regional Bridge Tournament (taking place next week) on my calendar, though I am unlikely to forget about that! Now if only I could magically have a FREE babysitter whenever necessary for any event on my calendar that warranted a babysitter (like the Bridge Tournament)!

Nothing to write about

Well, it's not that I haven't had anything to write about. I just haven't had or taken the time to write. For once in our lives though, Kris and I did not procrastinate. With the exception of getting Kleenex, baby wipes and the kids NIV Bible (coming in the mail), we have all the kids' school supplies! SO much easier to do without the kids!

The kids are at my mom and dad's for a few more days. Actually, I don't think they are in Martinsville anymore. They are having "Cousin Camp". Cute huh? All the cousins are together (except little Sophia because she is still a bit young) with Mammaw and Pappaw for a week. I drove them out last Tuesday night and came back home Wednesday night. They are travelling around Indiana, Illinois and Missouri in the RV, wearing my parents our I am sure! But it is so great that they are able to spend some quality time with their cousins; I know they enjoy it.

I'm starting to miss them though. We keep looking at our family pictures and I miss their voices and their faces. It sure is quiet in the house. While I like the quiet, everything just isn't 'right' without them here. When they are here, chaos and all, life is full. But I am going to savor the peace and quiet for the few days I have left! I am extremely grateful to my parents for taking this on huge burden and I hope they survive.

Bishop Family Pictures 2009 (62 photos), by Jamie Bishop

I'd like to share my Snapfish photos with you. Once you have checked out my photos you can order prints and upload your own photos to share.
http://www2.snapfish.com/fbshareredirect/p=886141247574986307/l=956908024/g=989816024/redirectURL=share/otsi=SALBBL/AlbumID=839491024/a=989816024_989816024/usercomments=I_xqd%20like%20to%20share%20my%20Snapfish%20photos%20with%20you.%20Once%20you%20have%20checked%20out%20my%20photos%20you%20can%20order%20prints%20and%20upload%20your%20own%20photos%20to%20share./counttext=62%20photos/COBRAND_NAME=snapfish

Funny, funny kids...

My kids are funny. Sometimes life in the Bishop household is extremely stressful. Sometimes the days go by in a blur. And other days, my kids just make me laugh.

The kids decided to avoid bedtime by cleaning. I'm not complaining. The living room got picked up, the kids' rooms were cleaned, the laundry was put into baskets instead of overflowing into the hallway/bathroom and Katherine and Kaleb thought it would be good to clean the toilet.

Tonight on the way home from church we had to stop to let a car by. Livvy in a loud voice said "Crash into her!" Um...no thanks Livvy. It was funny.

After devotions this evening, it was Abbey's turn to pray. She made it a point to drag her prayer out as long as she could, by thanking God for each of us individually by name, and also title (brother, sister, mommy, daddy). And then she asked God to make us not cranky, again individually, naming us off one by one. I couldn't help but laugh and I looked over at her and she was giving me a disapproving look. I apologized and she continued her lengthy prayer.

So many funny things are said and done by these wonderful kids every day and I am so busy that I can't ever record it all. And then by the time I sit down to write about it, I've forgotten most of what they have said.

Have you ever wondered...

...if God answers prayer?

I mean, you hear about these situations where missionaries in foreign fields have experienced miracles. Sometimes you hear about situations where someone has something wrong with them, something fatal, and then, mysteriously, it's just gone. There's no explanation, scientific anyway, to give for why these things happen. Non-believers just chalk it up to 'wow, that's amazing'.

For me though, I KNOW with 100% certainty that it is GOD intervening in those situations. To some people it doesn't make sense, why God would intervene in some situations and not others? But who are we to know the mind of God? We may never know or understand that mystery. But in some scenarios, God does choose to intervene. He hears the prayers of his children.

Most of you reading this know me on Facebook and so you know already that today my cousin's wife Kim was randomly shot in the head while she was at the park with her two children. Throughout the course of the day, we've been learning more and more about what happened. I've waited until now to post this, because we were uncertain about many of the details.

More and more details are being revealed and in fact, the man who shot her has apparently turned himself in to the police. When my mom first called me, I immediately emailed our pastor and asked that the family be put on the prayer chain. At that time (this was I guess around noon, maybe before), all I knew is that Kim was at the park with her baby in her arms when she was shot in what we were initially told was the neck. She was being air-lifted to a hospital while her baby (who had fallen to the ground when she was shot) was taken to a local hospital. The baby checked out fine, but we were still uncertain as to what would happen to Kim.

So after I emailed our pastor, I started bombarding my own Facebook and Twitter pages with requests for prayer. I had, at last count, 15 different people (not including the two churches that two of these people were affiliated with) who told me that they were praying. Those are just the ones who voiced it via Facebook. I am sure there were others committed to praying today who just didn't post to my Facebook. And I am just ONE person. I do not know how many people prayed today for this situation. But I can guarantee you it was a LOT. I still can't get over how overwhelming it is, when I think about how many people must have been praying for our family.

I found out this evening that the man approached Kim, and from what I understand was a very close range, shot her in right temple. The bullet exited through her left jaw. Now I am no doctor, and I have never done any kind of studying on gunshot wounds. I have never looked up statistics to see what the probability is of living after being shot in this manner. But my gut tells me that the odds weren't great that she could survive something like this. BUT SHE DID! And it is ALL GOD. He gets all the credit and all the glory. I know that He answered the prayers that were lifted today. He doesn't always answer prayers the way we want him to. But in this case, He did. And I am truly grateful to each one of you who took even just a moment today to lift a prayer for Kim and her family. I pray that God will bless each and every one of you in a very clear and tangible way!

And if you are reading this, and you struggle believing in God's love and God's plan for our lives, I pray that your heart will be opened to Him tonight. I have seen God's hand at work today in the horrific tragedy that took place in Texas this morning. Prayers were lifted up, heard, and answered today!! God doesn't always make sense. Tragedy doesn't always make sense. We will never understand the mind of God or all the intricacies that this life consists of. But I just can't go through life NOT believing that God is there, and that He is ready to hold and love anyone who comes to Him. We all need a Savior. God doesn't care who you are or what you've done, or how many bad things you've done. He loves you for YOU. He loves you because He created you and He wants you to know and understand His love for you.

"Taggies"

I hope that word isn't copyrighted. In my brief study, "Taggies" or tag blankets are given to babies as a security blanket, but with a little 'flair' to them. Babies typically love clothing labels, tags, satin. The feel of them is for whatever reason comforting to them. So these little blankets were designed with that in mind. They are supposed to be tactile (perceptible to the sense of touch; tangible) and visually stimulating. Here is a picture of one that I found online:



Here is my first attempt. The material was SO cute I couldn't pass it up. I hadn't gone to the store necessarily intending to purchase material and make one. I had only gone with my friend to get ribbon, since Hobby Lobby had it for 50% off. But this material just caught my eye, and I am a bit of an addict when it comes to fabrics. Anyway, let me know what you think.

Brandi, thanks for the idea!

Not a fun ride

Image by Vlastula via Flickr

I LOVE roller coasters. I always have, ever since my dad forced me at a young age to go on the Demon Drop at Cedar Point. After screaming all the way to the top, and falling faster than any human should ever fall while barely strapped in to a seat, I wanted to do it all over again! I don't have a vast experience with roller coasters. I think I was too young when we went to Disney to ride any of the 'big' rides. But I have been to King's Island, Cedar Point, and Six Flags in Missouri.

But, I must say, I don't love ALL roller coasters. Today has NOT been a fun ride. It started out by being in a very uncomfortable confrontation at work, throughout which I felt utterly stupid and inept, while at the same time knowing that I had done my job right and handled it professionally. I cry easily. I HATE confrontation of any kind. I wear my feelings on the outside, and I had to work extremely hard this morning to control my emotions and keep from bursting into tears like a blubbering child. After an hour or so, I was able to think about the situation without tears welling up in my eyes. It was cool though that throughout the confrontation God was constantly on my mind, and I haven't felt that comfort and presence that intensely in a very long time.

The day goes on and work kept me extremely busy. I felt like I kept getting things done, but when I looked at all that still needed to be, it seemed like I hadn't accomplished anything. Days like that are hard, with my job. I love to see things go away-calendar entries, email, voicemail, etc...it gives me probably more pleasure than it should to have everything caught up and cleared out.

Around 3pm I tried to reach Kris to ask him something trivial. In this world of technology, you would think that you could actually reach someone at any given time. Around 3:30 when I still hadn't heard from him, I started to panic, just a little. I was trying to remain calm and remind myself that this kind of thing happens all the time. But every time it happens, I still get that same anxious feeling and start making up ridiculous scenarios in my head. I tried to reach him via email/chat, text message, calling his cell phone, his work phone and the house phone. I kept praying for peace and trying to turn it over to the Lord. When 4:30 rolled around, I was convinced he had for some reason decided to get out with the kids, gotten into a horrible accident and died. Yes, this is how my paranoid mind works from time to time!

FINALLY Kris called me. Now keep in mind I've just spent the last hour and a half desperately trying to focus on work and NOT think about the "what ifs". I had kept my emotions and anxiety at bay all day after a stressful confrontation, and then, once I knew he was safe, that dam that had been under pressure all day just kind of burst. Well, actually, it didn't really burst-it just sprung a small leak. I couldn't hold it back any longer...but I've pulled myself together so I can finish up my work and go home. This will be the first night we've been home in the evening before 8pm. I'm looking forward to it.

All that to come back to the beginning and say that I am not particularly fond of emotional roller coasters. I'll take a ticket for the real thing please.

COMPLACENCY

God has been working on my heart for a long time. Sometimes I let him. Sometimes I get in the way. MOST of the time I get in the way. But there are moments when he reclaims what is rightly his. In those moments, I see myself as what I really am: a sinner. And when I find myself humbled and broken before the Lord, I realize that I am not JUST a sinner. God shows me over and over again that I am a sinner saved by Grace. I've been living a life of complacency for the last few years. I've had moments here and there where I get it right, but mostly I've been content to just live in complacency. Here are some definitions of complacency, just so that we're clear on what I mean:

*the feeling you have when you are satisfied with yourself
*a feeling of contented self-satisfaction, especially when unaware of upcoming trouble
*complacent - contented to a fault with oneself or one's actions
*complacent - Smug and uncritically satisfied with oneself or one's achievements

There was also one that said "complacent - (2009) Associate Producer" but I don't think that is what I am trying to say! :)

Complacency was not looked kindly upon in the Bible. In Revelation 3:15-22, there is a church that has been lukewarm, or living in complacency. This is how God feels about it, according to the New Living Translation:

"15 “I know all the things you do, that you are neither hot nor cold. I wish that you were one or the other! 16 But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth! 17 You say, ‘I am rich. I have everything I want. I don’t need a thing!’ And you don’t realize that you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked. 18 So I advise you to buy gold from me—gold that has been purified by fire. Then you will be rich. Also buy white garments from me so you will not be shamed by your nakedness, and ointment for your eyes so you will be able to see. 19 I correct and discipline everyone I love. So be diligent and turn from your indifference.
20 “Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends. 21 Those who are victorious will sit with me on my throne, just as I was victorious and sat with my Father on his throne.
22 “Anyone with ears to hear must listen to the Spirit and understand what he is saying to the churches.” Found at http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Revelation%203:14-22;&version=51;

That's pretty serious! That should scare us. All of us who sit on the sidelines, complacent, just waiting. Just procrastinating and saying "I'll start over again tomorrow." Tomorrow never comes. Cliche, but true. I'm tired of watching life pass me by. I'm tired of being complacent. I'm sick of the way I feel when I am not giving 100% when it comes to my relationship with the Lord. According to Revelation, God would rather I give 0% than 50%. That's how dangerous it is, to be complacent.

Switchfoot has a song called "You". It has and will always give me hope and remind me of what 'it' is all about. You can listen to the song here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzSl27pKj6k

Here are the lyrics. They are very powerful.

There's always something
In the way
There's always something
Getting through
But it's not me
it's You

Sometime's ignorance
Rings true
But hope is not in
What I know
Not in me
It's in You

It's all I know

And I find peace
When I'm confused
I find hope when
I'm let down
Not in me
But in You

I hope to lose myself
For good
I hope to find it in the end
Not in me
It's You
It's all I know

JOY

Tonight's topic is, as the subject line says, JOY. I have had more fun with my kids in these last two days than I have in a long time. I have laughed and played and just really, truly enjoyed and appreciated them. You know why? Because of JOY. Because of a kind of joy that only God can bring. For a long time I've been living my life away from God. Similar to Jonah, but worse. Jonah flat out ran away from God-physically. Me? I've been complacent.

And three days ago God rekindled a love in my heart that has been there since high school, that I somehow pushed down and let the worries and stress of daily life weigh down. I've let the burden of life and its problems trump over the joys that are there to see every day, in every moment. I used to dream about being a missionary. I wanted to focus on Latin America because I loved, and excelled in, Spanish in high school. As a sophomore in high school, thanks to the generous support of my parents, my extended family and my church, I was able to go to Panama for a week and it was one of the most incredible experiences in my life. It made me see that there was this HUGE world out there, just waiting to experience the love of God. I went to Show Low, AZ the next two years for mission trips on the Navajo Reservation there. Then, during my Freshman year of college for 'lab week' I went to New Mexico. Each of these experiences left me desiring to be on a mission field. My sophomore year of college I had another opportunity to go overseas, this time to Russia. While it was a memorable trip, it left me thinking God calls people to all kinds of places-but he is not calling ME to Russia! :) - The reason for sharing that in particular will be expounded upon at a later date.

Well, life happened. Kris and I got married. We had a child right away, and then another, and then another, oh and then another! ;) Kris was working. We tried living for six months down in the inner city, which is where God had been calling Kris. It was a short-term experience for us, one that honestly left me feeling 'less' called to the inner city (at least within the States since it was all I had experienced) and one that I still do not feel drawn to. I know that Kris still has a love and heart for those lost in the inner cities and perhaps someday God will place us in that setting, but for now, we are living, working and raising our family.

And somehow, in the midst of all of that, we really forgot about God. Not in the sense that he wasn't present in our lives. But in the sense that we stopped actively seeking him, personally. We taught the children about him, because it was important to us, and we went to church and we had some really GOOD times where we were on fire and living the way God wanted us to live. But for the most part, I think the majority of our last ten years we have lived in complacency. Let me just tell you, I really believe that is one of the worst places for a 'Christian' to be. And hypocritical at that! So I'm laying myself out there, right here, right now and admitting that I have not been the Christian that I should have been throughout most of my adult life. I have wanted to be that person. Many many times. I have tried to be that person, at different times in my life. But I never seem to get it right. I always seem to get in the way! You know that saying "It's not about me"? Well I have lived like it IS about me. And you can think you're doing the right thing, until God takes the veil away and you see yourself for the pathetic excuse for a Christian that you truly are.

This is what God showed me three nights ago. That it was time to step up and stop living in complacency. To start really engaging in a relationship with him-one that is two-sided. One that I am an active participant in. One that doesn't say "I don't have time for you right now." The parallels between our relationships with God and marriage are so profound. We wonder why our marriages experience lulls, or hard times. Usually, if you step back and look at it honestly, one or both of you have lost sight of what it really means to be in a relationship with God. I know that's been true for Kris and I. When we are constantly at each other, it is a mirror of what our relationship with God has become. When we are distant from one another, or discontent, we have actually truly been discontent with God and distanced ourselves from him. And maybe this is very obvious to most people. But it was eye opening for me.

Sometimes, like the "Prodigal Son", God gives us what we want. He gives us space. He gives us time. He lets us live for ourselves, squandering our lives away. He lets us run and play and pretend like we really have some sort of power in our own lives. And then, eventually, we will get so low that we realize how desperately we need him and we come running back. And he is ALWAYS ready to forgive. Always ready to sweep us up into his arms and hold us and welcome us back, as if we had never been gone at all. That's what REAL love is my friends.

BUT, sometimes, God puts a limit on how long he is going to just sit back and watch us waste our lives-sometimes he doesn't wait for us to come crawling back. That was the case for me, for Kris and I. Three nights ago I was awakened to what a pitiful, lost sinner that I am. God essentially grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me and said "LOOK! I'm tired of this. I'm tired of you just sitting there, pretending to love me. THIS is what I want you to do!" And so begins my journey. Some of you know about it already. I am going to actually start another blog to chronicle the new journey we are about to embark on. I was planning to start it tonight, but this particular blog took precedence and I really needed to get this down. So there it is. A sinner admitting her sin. A sinner admitting that she had to be jolted awake and is now ready to get up and run that race and serve the God she has always claimed to.