Rain rain rain

Well the day started out good. We had a great visit with my parents and two of my nieces. My dad suggested we take a different route than the one we had planned-a scenic route. I was fine with this as long as it didn't take us hours out of our way. When we looked at Google Maps it was only a difference of about 20 minutes, so I said 'Sure, why not!' And then it proceeded to rain for the next two hours. Once we made it in to Cincinnati, that's where the REAL fun began.

Let me just pause for a moment to point out that I HATE Cincinnati. It's up there with Sprint and Charter. It all started on my honeymoon. It's a long, boring story that ends with me lost in a bad part of downtown Cincinnati, and Kris waking up to me frantic and in tears. Kris learned really fast that either he drives or he stays awake! He chooses to drive. That being said...

Google Maps told us to do one thing, but when we got to the place where we were supposed to turn, it wasn't there. So we went about 15 minutes out of our way, turned the GPS on and decided to listen to the directions on that-we were starting to lose faith in Google Maps. We got back on track and found that if we listened to the GPS, we would actually make it to the hotel about 40 minutes sooner than Google Maps was estimating. But it was really frustrating all the same...now we're on some back road in Kentucky, in the middle of nowhere and Kris is just trusting the GPS. I hope it's right. And I still hate Cincinnati.

Here are some pictures the scenic route allowed us. Oh yeah! Dad, this is for you! I can see how the drive would have really been beautiful. We were next to the Ohio River most of the time and it really did have the potential to be a great drive. However, THIS is what our drive looked like...the ENTIRE way.

Maybe someday we'll get to enjoy the drive when the weather is nice and we can get out and walk around at one of the parks along the way!

Brandon, my favorite brother-in-law

I've written short bits about my brother-in-law before. He is 27 years old and the sweetest guy I have ever met! I am not sure what the 'official' diagnosis is...whether it is severely autistic or mentally retarded. But the bottom line is that he doesn't talk and his capacity to function as a 'normal' adult is limited. He can fend for himself fairly well, when it comes to making a sandwich, watching a movie, playing video games. And he is just such a nice guy. To everyone he meets. Every now and then he will get mad about something and you can tell he is mad because he turns lights off and on, or falling down on the floor, or slamming his foot in the door! But the majority of the time, he is just super happy and makes you smile.

Today I took a couple of pictures of him. Something to know about Brandon is that sometimes he gets on these 'kicks'. He's been on a Wiggles kick for quite a few years now. He only wears shirts that are the Wiggles colors-or shirts that have those colors in them! He's a creature of habit. Well, for whatever reason, he has started carrying about a box of Mandarin oranges. I thought maybe he was just using the box to hold stuff in it. Then Cindy told me there are actually 3 cans of Mandarin oranges in there still!! In addition to that, he has put a few things of his own in there and I believe he slept with the box last night. Today he took an orange from my parents' (with permission!) and stuck that in his box too. He makes me laugh. When I asked him why he had the box, he lifted his arm up and rested it on the box. I asked him if he was using the box as an arm rest. He shook his hand 'yes' emphatically. It made me laugh, so I had to take a couple pictures of him with his new box.

Obsessive Compulsive? Uh...yeah...

My son is very, very organized!! He loves to have his room cleaned and everything has its own place. I LOVE that I don't really have to tell him to clean his room. When he was two, we had taken him to a neurologist for some behaviors that I won't go into now (though if you've followed the blog, you know some of the background with him). Anyway, we stopped at a gas station about 20 minutes ago and told Kaleb and Livvy they could pick out one snack (Kat & Abbey are riding with Grandma today). Livvy wanted Bubble Tape. Then she decided she would get a ring pop instead. I checked some chips and candy and it all had soy bean oil in it so those were out. So she has her ring pop and Kaleb had picked out some Bubble Tape as well. I decided last minute (primarily due to Livvy whining about wanting something else and her being spoiled) that they could go ahead and pick out one more thing. Livvy chose to get the Bubble Tape with her ring pop. Kaleb...he made a different, interesting choice. It's not nearly as amusing if you don't know Kaleb, but let's just say that he has some OCD tendencies. My funny boy picked out (and was very excited about) HAND SANITIZER!! It looks like a pen and sprays on. He promptly opened it up and used some, and put some on Livvy too. Just a few minutes ago I could smell it and he was back there saying he was glad he got it and that it smells good. And just now, while I have no idea what he is doing back there, I heard him say 'My face is clean!' ***When we got to the hotel for the night (as I wrote the above earlier), his hand sanitizer was completely gone. So I did panic just a little, afraid he would die from whatever it is in hand sanitizer that can kill people. He read me the ingredients though and it didn't sound 'too' bad.

At this same gas station, which was located somewhere in a small town in Ohio, we stopped to fill up the van and have the kids 'try'. You know...to go potty...so we wouldn't have to stop again before we got to the hotel. The gas station was really small and there wasn't really anything else around. I asked Kris if he thought they had a bathroom, but he pointed and showed me where they were--they were on the outside of the building. I asked if he thought we'd have to get a key, and he sent Kaleb over to check and see if he could open the door. He could not. So we had to go inside and get the key, which happened to be attached to the lid of a 32-oz plastic cup! But before we went in to get the key, Kris said 'Those are old school.' Now that comment alone isn't all that remarkable...maybe a little odd coming from him...however, what was funny was just a couple of minutes later Livvy and I are walking towards the bathroom and she said 'These bathrooms are old school.' like it was the most natural comment in the world! It was funny!! Oh and as I am looking over this, I should point out that Kris isn't getting ready to go into the women's bathroom. Livvy was in there and he was holding the door open with his foot until I could get over there. He's not a creep...nor did he have any intention of using the women's bathroom!

Let the vacation begin!

We are now in Terre Haute. Just like our trip to Florida this summer, I am writing from the road. Kris is driving. We've got the music playing. The laptop is hooked up and my trusty Samsung Instinct is providing the internet that my laptop NEEDS. :-) Of course, by the time I actually post this we'll probably be at my parents' house, or on our way to West Virginia tomorrow because I am not quite sure how long my signal will stay strong between here and our exit--there are a lot of trees and it tends to interfere, so much so that I had to switch from Facebook to this! ;-)

I took a few pictures of some of the kids before we left today (Abbey was off in the other room doing something-though I have no clue what that something was). The house looked like a tornado had come through it! Granted, the small folded piles of clothes everywhere would lead one to believe it was a fairly 'tidy' tornado...but a tornado nonetheless! I didn't get everything done I wanted to, primarily because as always, I waited until the last minute to do EVERYTHING. Packing for 6 people is a lot harder and more time consuming than just packing for one or two! Not that this came as a surprise to me. This is our fourth spring break vacation in a row with four kids so it's not a new discovery. It just takes me a little aback me every time. Ok, maybe it does surprise me. And when it is all said and done, and we've got the van packed up and we actually leave, I am a tense, annoyed mess! I'm better now though. Thanks for asking. :-) It doesn't help that the kids were off school all day (and quite...um...not good), and Kris was at work, the house was a mess and I was left to do all the laundry and pack for everyone. The only thing I made Kris get together was his razor and contacts, though unless I press him he won't use either one of those! Yeah...he lasted a few months after our Florida/ocean/glasses fiasco wearing his contacts but it's back to glasses now. Every now and then he will put the contacts in. For about 2 hours. And the shaving...well...that's like it always is. If he has a meeting or a hot date, he'll shave. And unless I tell him to read this, he won't find out that I've said this for quite some time! And then I might get a look...but that's OK...he knows how I feel about shaving and contacts.

You know, I get made fun of on a fairly regular basis by certain people (you know who you are) because Kris and I listen to books. It isn't that we don't like to sit and read an actual 'real' book. It's that we don't have the time and we have a long commute to work. We both love to read and sometimes listening is the only chance we have to 'read' a good story. I know I've written about this before, so I won't dwell on it. I just wanted to share that I am extremely proud to have passed on this love to my children. Before we left, I loaded a couple of books on Kat and Kaleb's MP3 players. Geronimo Stilton for Kaleb and Ella Enchanted for Katherine. The library (at least St. Louis County) has a program called 'Overdrive'. You can check out digital books. It's the same as checking out a library book, in that you can only have it for a certain period of time. Instead of two weeks, we get the audio version of the book for three weeks. After three weeks, the book expires and you can't listen to it anymore--no it's not an honor system. The book just stops working on your device. It's a pretty cool way to go about it if you can finish a book in three weeks. Kaleb had finished the first of 3 Geronimo Stilton books before we even left the house! Kat is back there listening to hers, if the Dramamine hasn't knocked her out yet. We let Abbey 'use' my old Treo sometimes, and I have a book about a goose for her (that may sound random but it was one of the only ones I could find that would be more age-appropriate for her) that I need to put on there...she too will sit and listen to the books. 3 kids down, 1 to go!! I say we let her use it because it's quite a pricey device so we just aren't ready to entrust it to a 7 year old! Kris had given her his old Treo but the screen is cracked and doesn't really work as a touchscreen, which makes it hard for Abbey to navigate, and it makes me feel sorry for her so I'm nice and am letting her use mine. OK, enough about audio books. I just had to get that off of my chest. I've said it before and I will say it again...there's nothing wrong with listening to a book!! And Shane if you're reading this, yes it IS the same! Sort of! Same end result anyway.

Now, with that being said, here is a quick breakdown of our vacation plans, because I know you are all just dying with anticipation for a play-by-play of our trip. And if you didn't know that you were getting yourself into a play-by-play of the Bishop family vacation and you don't want to come along for the ride, I suggest you find another blog to read; for the next 8 days if you return here, you will be joining us on our trip!

Tonight we are driving to my parents house in IN. We won't be staying long. The visit here was a bit impromptu...we didn't add it to our trip until two days ago. We were originally going to get up and leave very early tomorrow morning to head to our hotel in West Virginia for the night. While we have added about two extra hours to our trip, it's split up. 4 hours tonight. Then 6.5 or so tomorrow, instead of the original 8.5/9 hours we were going to drive. I'm looking forward to seeing my side of the family.

So...here's the plan. We'll get to my parents' house in about an hour, though with the time change we'll be pushing 10:30pm. We'll get some sleep and then spend a few hours in the morning visiting with them. I think two of my nieces will be there too so the kids will get to see their cousins who (or is it whom?) they haven't seen since Thanksgiving. After leaving my parents house, we'll head to West Viriginia. The Dramamine will be given out generously at this point. Our oldest and youngest suffer from car sickness. Katherine was discovered a few years ago; Livvy we didn't learn about until it happened somewhere in West Virigina last year on our way to (or maybe from) Pennsylvania. We got into those mountains and the poor girl was a mess (quite literally)! Fortunately, Kaleb and Abbey have showed/shown (I hate when I don't know the proper word) no signs of this ailment, though we have extra Dramamine on hand and depending on my mood they may or may not be having some as well! Or perhaps I should say depending on THEIR mood. Because let's face it--if they NEED to sleep, is a little Dramamine going to hurt them? Not more than my frantic craziness and extreme anxiety if one of them starts throwing up! I went into full panic mode last year and do not want to repeat that. And I am sure that Kris definitely does not want a repeat episode of THAT!

Moving on...we'll stay the night in West Virginia and on Sunday we will be driving to Gordonsville, VA. I've never heard of Gordonsville before. There is a resort nestled there though called Shenandoah Crossing (http://www.shenandoah-crossing.com/). Now for those of you thinking we're just rolling in the money, we're really not! My mother-in-law has a plan with Blue-Green and so they allow us to use their points and Kris and I end up staying with the kids for free. By the way, my mother-in-law, her husband Dean, and my brother-in-law Brandon are also part of this trip so in the pictures that will later appear, that is who the 'extra' people are! We're staying in a 3 bedroom cabin at the resort, while my extended family will stay in another 3 bedroom cabin. These resorts are really nice. Kris and I have talked about it. If we had thousands of dollars to spend every year on vacation, that'd be nice. But we don't...and so we graciously accept the generosity of our family! The resort looks to be one of the better ones we've stayed at-I can't wait to get there and actually see it for myself.

We'll spend 5 nights there, leaving on Friday. We'll drive to Louisville for the night on the way home. This gives us about 8-9 hours driving the first day, and then 4-5 the last day. So we won't have to drive all day, get home really late, unpack and head right back to work. We'll actually be home on Saturday so we will have a day to recoup a little before we have to get back to the real world.

Now that all of the 'details' are out of the way, sit back and enjoy the trip with us. If this long, boring post has left you wondering why on earth you clicked the link to get here, well it can't be that bad because you're still reading!! ;-) Anyway, I promise to write about more interesting things as they develop. And they will develop. I hope!

One proud mother

I love my kids!

I always love them...but there are times when I am walking through the house, and I see one of them or hear them say something and my heart just swells.

Tuesday we had Kaleb's parent-teacher conference. It went well. His teacher likes him; he's a smart, fairly well-behaved kid. He tends to get in trouble whenever there are 'transitions'-like being in the hallway after lunch or for restroom breaks, or going to Art/Music, in P.E. He struggles to remain self-controlled and tends to get himself and other kids in trouble for talking or playing. Beyond that, there isn't much to complain about. He is a great student and respects his teacher and I am pleased enough with that.

Tonight we had parent-teacher conferences for the girls. Abbey's teacher never has anything but delightful things to say about her. She is a hard worker and most of the students can understand what Abbey is saying these days-so speech therapy is definitely proving to be worthwhile (not that I ever thought it wasn't!). Abbey really does light up any room she is in and it is such an amazing thing to watch, and it brings a LOT of joy to my heart! Knowing that we named her Abigail before we knew it meant Father's Joy is just kinda cool too. Oh and I know I've posted before some of Abbey's pictures and stories...I have a new one to post. She's so cute. She went to the Y with Kris tonight (all the kids did because I had the conferences). When she got home she had this huge smile on her face and then she handed me a card. So, instead of playing the entire time, THIS is what Abbey did. Now I should point out that for the most part I am feeling just fine, so I am not sure if she is referring to my healing knee or what! But still...she's such a sweet little girl. Look at her latest creation:

Katherine's teacher said nothing surprising...Katherine is doing well and is a great student! She excels in anything academic! She even got upset today because I thought they had a half day and so I had told them that I was going to pick them up at 1pm. Well apparently she went to the office to make sure we knew they had a full day today-I believe she was afraid that I would pick them up and they would miss some of the school day and not have a chance to say goodbye to her friends...you know since they'll be gone for a week!

Olivia as well had a good review. Who can resist that adorable little four year old? She is SO excited about our upcoming vacation. She keeps calling it 'A-cation'. It's really cute! She asked me today when she could pack her toys for A-cation.

Warning! Get ready for the blogging to go into overdrive. Remember when Kris and I went to FL over the summer? Yes, it will be like that again. I still have the cool phone that gives me the capabilities to connect my laptop to the internet anywhere I have a phone signal! So there will be pictures and hopefully some funny, random encounters to document! Though I am not sure what will top the King Conference Room from the Drury Inn last year! Nothing like a king size bed that overlooks a HUGE 12-seater conference table. Those were some good times!

It's RANDOM THOUGHT night!

Aren't you glad you're reading this?

You're in for a real treat tonight (insert sarcasm here). I have a bunch of different thoughts rolling around in my head, and tonight I am attempting to get some of them out.

I walked into the bathroom tonight and saw about 15 little bath toys on the floor outside, yes outside, the bathtub. And it reminded me of a funny encounter I had with Livvy the other night when I was giving her a bath. For those of you not familiar with the Little Bishops, Olivia is 4. And she has quite the personality! She's very adorable and funny, quite similar to her older sister Abbey, who is 7. Between the two of them, there is always something quite funny said or done.

The kids have become extremely self-sufficient, which has been such a blessing to Kris and I. Because of their self-sufficiency, the older 3 always shower on their own instead of taking baths. Most days we are fortunate enough that one of the older kids will get Livvy in the shower with them. The other night though, I decided to let her take an actual bath. So she's in there playing and I am going back and forth between cooking and checking in on her. She's just playing away for quite a while. Then she called me back there and told me she was ready to get out. She is of course spoiled, so she dictated which towel I HAD to use, and I proceeded to obey my spirited four-year-old! After I put the towel around her, I noticed that ALL of the bath toys were dripping wet, laying on the floor, outside the bathtub. And I asked her "Livvy why are all the bath toys on the floor?" Her reply? "I needed room for 'laxin'" It took me a minute to realize she was telling me she needed room to RELAX. I was telling Kris the story and Abbey chimes in, as if it's the most natural thing in the world, "Were you trying to lay down flat in the bathtub?" This must be something the two of them do when they are in the bathtub together! So Livvy likes to 'lax in the bathtub.

Kris and I have been working...and working...and working...but we've been trying hard not to come home and spend the evening working. It's been quite relaxing to go home and know I'm not going to log in and work some more. But we are definitely staying busy at work. I like commuting with him, though this will be my first full week in our downtown office. And I have Friday off because the kids are out of school. Well, technically I don't have the day off. I have to log in and dispatch any claims that come during the day, while I try to clean up my house and cook for Bunco, which I am hosting at my house Friday night.

I actually have a fairly full weekend ahead. Friday night, Bunco. Saturday night, Tastefully Simple party with some old friends-the companionship is what I am really looking forward to. And then there's Sunday. I am going to be a 'vendor' at a Relay for Life fundraiser. I was blessed to be a part of this event last year, and they asked me back! Granted, it could just be that they don't know any other PC consultants in the area...but I'll tell myself they liked me. :)

Kris and I discovered a funny little webisode on Hulu called CTRL. Check it out if you want a short little comedy to close out a stressful day. http://www.hulu.com/ctrl

I have an addiction. It's food. It's always been food. At least for the last 12 years. And it's been getting the best of me lately. A lot of you know I have been attempting to live yeast-free (you can follow that journey here: http://myyeastfreejourney.blogspot.com/). It started out so great! Lately though, I've just really been giving in to cravings. You know, it's that time of year again. You know what time of year I'm talking about...Girl Scout Cookie Time! And I think "I don't want to work so hard to eat right when we go to Virginia over spring break in a week and a half" and so part of me wants to just say "Ok, I'll get back to yeast-free as soon as we get back." It's not good. But that's what the other blog is for, so I won't keep going on about that here!

Kris and I are doing a good job so far sticking to our new budget. We have been doing a lot more cooking at home, and then taking our leftovers to work. We have $30 total per pay period set aside for eating out. That's it. And if we use it and run out, too bad. I don't know if that seems like a little or a lot-it amounts to $10/person/month. For a family of 6, if you go anywhere that isn't fast food, you'll be lucky to get out for less than that though! And for this family of 6 who was used to eating out more times a week than I'd like to admit. So while it's been a lot more work on my part, ultimately it's been great! And if I can ever get myself back on track COMPLETELY, it will be a LOT easier to eat yeast-free.

I've been writing this off and on for about an hour and a half and am getting tired so before this turns into a jumbled mess of incoherent thoughts (more so than it already is!), I'm signing off for the night.

Heathen...that's me!

I'm skipping church this morning. I feel bad, because there is a chili lunch after church and I know that trying to get four kids fed and yourself is a handful...hopefully it won't be too hard on Kris. I think Grandma is going to be there too though so I'm hoping it will all go smoothly. Not that Kris isn't capable...oh he is. He's really great, especially with the kids. I just feel bad that he will have to go it alone, but I still just do not feel good.

I managed to get some sleep last night, thanks to Nyquil, Melatonin, and Xanax. Oh and Ibuprofen for the pain in my ears, eyes and throat. I also sucked on one of those Chloraseptic drops all night and managed to get some rest. I'm hoping that by resting this morning I will be able to make it through grocery shopping at Schnucks and Aldi's this afternoon, as well as the dreaded task of cleaning out the fridge!

Our new 'meal plan' starts today. Kris and I are going to work hard to stick to our budget and plan out the meals throughout the week so that we can not only buy ONLY what we need, but so that we can save some money and stop eating out for lunch at work. Not only is it costing us a lot of money, it makes it very difficult to stick to my yeast-free diet! So, starting today, the meals are planned out (only through Saturday so far) and we are looking forward to hopefully saving some money and eating better. The nice thing for me is that for the most part, everyone will now be eating yeast-free. There will be some exceptions for Kris and the kids, like white bread and chips that I can't have. But the 'main' meals will all be yeast-free. The great thing for Kris is that he will get to enjoy my home cooking on a more regular basis. Deep down, part of me wonders if this wasn't his plan all along...just to get me cooking for him all the time...and he is just saying it's to save money!! ;-)

Insomnia

It's 3:30am and I cannot sleep. I laid down at midnight, stayed in bedfor about 30 minutes, and then headed out to the couch. I hate nights like this. It used to be that almost every night was like this. This is the first night in a long time that it has been this hard to go to sleep. And that is with taking some Melatonin and Xanax. I took some Dayquil around 10:30pm, figuring it was too late to take the Nyquil since we have to pick Kat up between 8:30-9am. She went on a field trip with the Girl Scouts to a sleepover at the Magic House. I don't know if I am just awake because of this head cold and sinus pressure or just because, but it's really frustrating. I am thankful that I don't have to go to work tomorrow though. And I am thankful that I've gone from most nights being this way to only an occasional sleepless night. I still don't stay asleep throughout the night but at least most days I can fall asleep within 30 minutes to an hour. The kids will be up in 3 hours.

I'm still here

I'm alive and well, in case you were concerned. After reading a comment just now from my previous post, I realized that I hadn't posted since my despondent rambling of early last week so I thought I would check in and let my faithful readers know that all is well with me. That hopeless feeling did indeed pass, as I knew it would.

Life has not slowed down though. In fact, it seems to speed up more and more each day. A coworker and I have switched jobs. I can't remember if I wrote about this already and so if it is a repeat, I apologize. While I am feeling better emotionally, I don't have enough mental energy right now to open up a new Google tab and read through old posts to find out (i.e. I'm lazy).

Until last week, I was driving to Fenton every day. On a good day, it took me right around 30 minutes to get there. On a bad day...well...fortunately there weren't too many of those!! Regardless, it gave me plenty of time to read. Those of you that know me, know that I listen to books while I drive. I'm telling you, I was against it at first. Kris finally won me over to listening to books when life started to speed up. I love to read and didn't seem to have any time anymore to read. So now when I am working out or driving or cleaning, I can just pop the headphones in and 'read'. It's a great way to pass the time.

I was the 'onsite liaison' for one of our clients, so I had a desk and worked right there with some great adjusters, assisting on files, making sure the people we hired did their job, etc. My coworker was in our actual office, dispatching claims, which is a fancy term for logging contact and accident info into our system and finding a local appraiser to investigate, take pictures, statements and so on. Extremely exciting insurance-related stuff. In addition to our primary roles, we also each have several other tasks that we are responsible for. I've been onsite at Vanliner for over two years now I believe. Maybe it's only been over one. I can't remember. It's been quite a while though. And I really enjoy being there. But I was getting extremely burnt out. And I didn't even realize how bad it was until last week, when we switched places.

Between last week and this one, I have been about 110% MORE productive. And I realized why tonight. Change is sometimes very good. Change is hard for some people, and while this change has called for quite a bit of adjusting, overall I am happy with it. I love my job again. And that is a great feeling. I still haven't really been able to fully jump into my role in our actual office, interacting with my other coworkers, all six of them. I've gone to a much smaller office too which is odd but I have barely been there. The girl I switched with was sick this week and so I filled in for her on Monday and Tuesday at our client's office. She was scheduled to be out today through Monday too, so I am back down in Fenton until Tuesday. While I was only gone a week, I have missed my adjusters down there. It's been good to be back among them, though I do look forward to getting into the swing of things downtown once Tara gets back. Ultimately, it feels good to change things up and have a different role now. It has energized me really.

Perhaps one of the greatest pluses for me is now when one of the kids is sick or they have a snow day, or one of their many random days off for no apparent reason, I can actually work from home. I am not required anymore to be onsite with our client each day, so I feel less pressure if someone is sick. It's hard for me to be productive from home, but it can be done, even with the four Little Bishops running around. And if Tara is sick or needs to be out, I can fill in for her down in Fenton. I don't know about her, but so far I am enjoying the change, and it feels good to give 100% again. I was getting so tired of the same thing every day and when you are weighed down, it is really hard to give everything you've got. So admittedly, I was not giving everything like I had in the past. It was a slow progression that left me to wanting to play on Facebook all day (not that I did!) instead of focusing on what needed to be done. And I HATE feeling like I could do more, or I could give more, but just not having the energy to do it.

On a different note, we had to sock almost another $1000 into Clifford the Big Red Van. I'm so tired of that van! Besides the fact that it hates me and won't blow out heat whenever I ride in it, I just feel like we are always putting money into it. This time the fuel pump went out. Kris and I weighed out our options. We didn't really have any. We NEED a van. We can't realistically (or legally) fit into my Explorer. And we can't afford a used van right now, which means we certainly can't afford a car payment. But we talked today about actually sticking to our budget and how if we do that, we would actually be able to save a decent chuck of money in a short period of time. So hopefully what we just did to the van will last us until we can sell it or trade it in for a newer used van. Preferably one that has a heater that works.

Lastly for tonight, I went back to the Y this evening. I haven't been in a couple of weeks. Kris and I commute to work now, since we go to the same place. We're saving on gas, though that money is now being spent to keep the kids in extended care so that we can work a full day. But that has left me unable to get up early and go to the Y on my way to work, or stop by on the way home. Abbey has speech therapy on Mondays and Wednesdays at 5:30 now so we are really limited. And if there is anything we try to be consistent about, it is the kids' 7:00pm bedtime! Trust me...I don't care hold old they are getting. They still need that sleep! We get up at 6am every day now (well the kids do while we usually drag ourselves up by 6:20) and if they go to bed late, like they did tonight because Kris and Kaleb's Tae Kwon Do doesn't get out until 8pm, they are cranky!! Or the ones that aren't cranky burst into tears at random intervals throughout the day. Anyway...with therapy and working different hours but riding together, it is harder to get to the Y now. We're shooting for Tues/Thurs/Sat though and hopefully we can stick to that schedule. A little tip about stationary bikes. If the heart rate sensors aren't working, it's probably not a good idea to pick a random workout that adjusts the resistance based on your heart rate. At the end there, with the sensor being temperamental, it took me from a resistance of 6 up to 12. And let me just tell you that was NOT easy. My knee seemed to tolerate it ok. It was puffy and red when I finished but by the time I got out of the shower it looked and felt better. And overall, it just felt good to work out again.

Ok that is enough for tonight. I'd better stop now...are you still awake???

I hate feeling this way

From time to time, I just feel 'hopeless'. It's not as dramatic as it sounds. But I have these days where I feel 'down' about everything. Everything looks bleak. I feel sad. I'm on the verge of tears. Even when things in my life are going well. There are just these days. Fortunately I am learning that they don't last and it must just be some crazy female hormone imbalance, but when those days hit it's like being run over by a truck. At least emotionally...

Over the years I have tried to explain to Kris that sometimes women cry and...I know this is hard to wrap your head around...we don't always know the reason why. We've experienced this with Katherine (age 9) many, many times. It happens with Abbey and from Kaleb every now and again. Last night I watched this happen to Olivia. And sadly for my girls, it won't get better as they get older. There will still be moments and days that they find themselves 'emotional' for no good reason. It happens to me when I am really tired, whether that be physically or emotionally. When I am tired, that is when I struggle the most to reign in my emotions!

Today is one of those days. Not with the crying so much. Just the sad feeling, and feeling like nothing matters. Nothing I do, nothing I eat...who cares about any of it? Because I certainly don't. For today...

I'm thankful to God that those times don't last. But I really don't like them when they come. It's that longing to curl up in a little ball and hide from the world. To just zone out, tune out, and just not care about anything. That's where I am at today. I am confident that I will not feel this way tomorrow though so I just need to get through the rest of this evening...

Did I mention I like word games?

Today is obviously Valentine's Day...

Kris and I were fortunate enough to have sitters in place so we could get away Friday and Saturday night. We had a great time away. We met up at church today and then took the kids to Target and let them pick out a little $5 present. Then we ordered Chinese and came home and watched G-Force and one of the Tinkerbell movies. When all of that was over, we got the snack foods out and played a new game we picked up at Target. Scrabble Slam. I am a lover of all things Scrabble so of course this game piqued my interest!

We made up some rules for the first round of this game...that way it would be easy enough for the kids to play. The real object is to start with a four letter word (not the bad kind!) and then deal out the rest of the cards. Then it's like Speed and the first person to get rid of their cards wins! You all play at the same time, shedding cards by making words. After Kaleb and Abbey got bored with it, I told Kris he had to play with me the right way. Katherine hung around and wanted to give it a try too. So we let her.

The first game she plays with us we're down to the wire. I have 2 or 3 cards left and she has one. Kris doesn't really count in here since he had about 12 cards left! :) So we're sitting there looking at loom or something like that. I've got a card with a z and k on it and there was no way I could play on it. I had to just wait until an opportunity opened up. Kat is sitting over there staring at it, then all of a sudden she throws down her last card, which has an A on it. And she yells 'LOAM!' Kris and I are like "Loam is NOT a word!" And she keeps insisting then goes on to tell us that it's in her science book and has something to do with soil and plants. So of course, Kris goes to the computer to Google it! And sure enough, LOAM is "soil composed of sand, silt, and clay in relatively even concentration, considered ideal for gardening and agricultural purposes." I haven't seen Katherine that proud and excited in a while. It was awesome to see her proving us right! I never liked science!!!!

Like Mother, Like Daughter

As I mentioned earlier, Abbey stayed home from school today. She loves to play Farmville. But today for some reason, it was glitching. She kept adding things to her farm and making it just the way she wanted it. Then she would refresh the screen and everything had disappeared. After this happened about 5 times, Abbey said the funniest thing today:

"Why does it keep doing that? It's like it says 'Oh let's get rid of everything and give her back her money so she gets frustrated!'"

And the dancing around singing 'Thumbelina!' was pretty funny too. Though I told her that sick people shouldn't be dancing and made her sit down!

Abbey was WAAAY to excited...

I am blessed in so many ways. What I am thankful for this morning is the fact that Abbey usually doesn't get sick. Out of the four kids, Abbey gets sick the least often. Because of this, she always has to watch the others get little beds made up in the living room when they're sick. Many times she tells us she doesn't feel good, but I am pretty sure she just wants the kind of attention the others get because she doesn't act sick. Today however, Abbey finally got what she wanted. She came into my room this morning and said she didn't feel good. All of the kids have been fighting colds and so instead of just writing Abbey off, I felt her head and she felt hot all over. So, Abbey has a fever and I told her that she should go lay back in her bed until the others left. She happily pranced back to her room to lay down. Then she came back into the room asking if I would make her a bed in the living room. I told her after the others left. Then she kept going back and forth between my room and hers asking questions! She was really excited to finally have an opportunity to be sick and stay home.

Livvy's take on Indians

We're watching "Virginia's Run" for movie night tonight. Kris is immediately bored and so he and I are cracking jokes about the movie...this is how we suffer through *some* of these 1 1/2-2 hour movies with the kids (most of the time we enjoy them but there are some that just aren't quite right).

So there was this scene where a dark-haired woman gets out of the car and they played some music that sounded like the kind of music they play in a movie where there are Native Americans. And so we were joking around about her being an Indian-even though she clearly is not. And one of the kids said 'She's not an Indian.' And then Livvy said 'Yeah because Indians don't even have cars!'

A few minutes later, they showed a scene with this very white and very BLONDE woman riding a horse and they started playing that Native American music again so Kaleb yelled out 'Hey her mom is an Indian!'

I don't recommend this movie. 15 minutes in and I wish we could watch Spongebob! I shouldn't even be sitting here with my laptop on during movie night...but the movie is *that* bad!!

A visit from the Tooth Fairy

I really wish I had taken a picture to post on here of Abbey with her first missing tooth. Sadly, I did not. But wanted to 'write' this down before I forget it.

Last night Kaleb and Kris went to Tae Kwon Do. I kept the girls all home with me so that I could put them to bed at a decent time (7pm around our house!); we've had too many late nights the last couple of weeks and they NEEDED to sleep. I contemplated keeping Kaleb home too but since we are paying for the class, he really should be there.

As I was putting the girls in bed and turning all the lights out, I told them that I didn't want to hear any talking or playing or want anyone getting out of bed...the normal bedtime speech. I had forgotten Abbey even had her first loose tooth until she said 'Maybe if I do that [she meant get up] you can pull my tooth out as a punishment.' She's funny. And as if that wasn't funny enough...

I went into the kitchen and started cleaning up so that I could make myself dinner. About 5 minutes later, Abbey walks into the kitchen. She has her little hand outstretched and said 'I went into the bathroom and pulled it out myself.' She stood there proudly holding her tiny little tooth (which of course grosses me out because I hate teeth!). So she's standing there with this huge grin on her face-oblivious to the blood that was pooling in her mouth. I put the tooth in a ziploc bag and told her to go rinse her mouth out. She came back into the kitchen, I gave her the bag and sent her back to bed, telling her to put it under her pillow.

And then she would not go to sleep! I don't know if she was just excited because she knew the Tooth Fairy would come (or in our case IF the Tooth Fairy remembers to come!), or if she just couldn't shut her brain down...which happens many, many nights. Kris and Kaleb get home just before 9pm and I am pretty sure that at this point Abbey is still awake.

Finally, she fell asleep. And fortunately, the Tooth Fairy remembered to come to our house. Abbey came into our room this morning to show Kris where her tooth had been. Kris, not wanting to get up yet, was like 'yeah...' even though he didn't have his glasses on and couldn't possibly see it! So I told her to turn the light on and him to get his glasses on. He did, reluctantly...

And then I asked Abbey if the Tooth Fairy had come. And she said "Yeah, she gave me a dollar!" Then she proceeded to tell us that she actually woke up at 3:30am and felt under her pillow. These are close to her exact words: "I reached under there and my tooth was gone but there wasn't any money. But then I reached WAY BACK and found a dollar! And then I went back to sleep."

A belated birthday present

I feel like I've been celebrating my birthday all week. Monday night (since I wasn't eating 'right' to begin with) we had Chinese. It was wonderful. Every last sickening sugar and gluten filled bite! Tuesday was my birthday and my day off went exactly as planned, except for one minor glitch which I managed to get over fairly quickly. I slept until 11am and it felt great! Then I did some boring things...working out at the Y (not boring for me), grocery store, picked the kids up from school. Kris came home early. We ordered St. Louis Pizza and Wings (as I was still making poor choices) and watched LOST with my mother-in-law. All in all, it was a good day. Oh...yeah...back to the belated present. Kris told me I could order some things from Avon. Well, actually I told HIM I wanted to place an Avon order for my birthday...and he said I could and gave me my 'limit'. So I ordered a few things and got them in the mail today. I love companies like Avon, BeautiControl (though I can't afford it anymore), Tastefully Simple (though I can't have this anymore), and of course the best ever Pampered Chef! In fact, towards the end of my 'active' Pampered Chef days, all of my commission was either going to buy more Pampered Chef or Avon. It's been a long time since I was able to get something 'fun' from Avon. Anyway...so it arrived in the mail today! I know this is incredibly boring and no one cares, but I don't care that no one cares. I was giddy with excitement. I love getting new stuff!! My favorite was a new perfume. I'm always hesitant to buy perfumes without smelling them first, but I felt the catalog gave a fairly good description of this particular one...and it was only $10...I was thrilled to get it and find out I LOVE it! I also got some makeup and a necklace and earrings that I'm pretty excited about, which is odd considering I don't typically wear jewelry. But I always see these cute things and think, 'maybe I'll start wearing makeup and jewelry'. And then I get through a couple of days of that and decide I just don't have time for it.

While I didn't go to the Y tonight, I sure did get quite the workout at physical therapy tonight. 12 minutes on the treadmill. Leg press, scooting around like a fool on a chair, leg lifts, bike. Then there was the trampoline. No, I didn't have to jump on it. I had to stand on one leg (my bad leg) and throw a two pound ball at an upright trampoline and then catch it...all while trying to balance on my one leg. I assured the therapist that I would be unable to do this even without a bad leg. I insisted that he just wanted to have something to laugh at. Today, because I did better than last week, he made me stand on this foam square and do the stupid activity. I told him that I was NOT a circus act. He just laughed.

Happy Birthday to....ME!

This is random and has nothing really to do with my birthday, but Livvy just said something I thought was really funny: "I hate three minutes because it takes so long. Why do Daddy always have to do that?"

I've had a great day. Kris got the kids up and ready for school, then took them to school this morning. I vaguely remember them coming in my room about a million times before they left but then I went back to sleep and didn't get up until 11am! I don't know when the last time was that I slept that long! It felt wonderful.

The house was messy and since I didn't feel like cleaning (it is my birthday after all and who wants to work on their birthday?), I got my bag together and went to the Y. I've been sticking to the recumbent bike while my knee continues to heal and get stronger but I get so bored with the bike. I don't burn as many calories and when I'm done with 30 minutes, I feel like I should do something more. While the elliptical and I are known for hating one another, I am ready to get back to it. Today I rode for just 15 minutes on the bike and because my knee was feeling pretty good, I thought I'd give the elliptical a try. I managed 5 minutes with no pain and burned the same amount of calories as I did with 15 minutes on the bike. So tomorrow (assuming I actually get up at 5:30 and go to the Y before work) I am going to start with the elliptical. Besides that, the physical therapist showed me this exercise I can do when my knee feels 'out of place' to get it back in place and I'm really happy that it actually works. There is now very little limping. My scars are getting softer and smaller as I rub them constantly with lotion at the P.T. recommended.

Boring stuff aside, I wanted to share some pictures of the birthday card Katherine (my 9 year old) gave me. She's a great little artist and very thoughtful in all she does. And if there is one thing that girl knows, she knows her mother! She's so funny and her card was the best part of my day. See below:

This is the 'front' of the card. She got a kick out of the fact that I share my birthday with Punxsutawney Phil. I like the drawing of an eye in the middle of the heart to say 'I love you.' Oh and that is, I believe, a groundhog saying 'Happy Birthday Mommy!'

I thought this next part was really cute too! Because I loved her design for the spring carnival t-shirt, she decided to include a replication of it on my birthday card!

But I saved my favorite part for last. Katherine decided to make me an acrostic. She used the word 'MOMMY'. Oh and she just had to do a pop-up book report, so she has a pop-up groundhog in the middle of the card. What really just melted my heart was her descriptions of me. I have to cherish this now because in 5 years, who knows if she will still see me in the same light.

I know you can't really see the acrostic so I am going to write it below. Again, my all-time favorite moment of the day was reading this:

Master of grammar and spelling. c-a-t

One of the best cooks ever.

Mommy always cares for me.

Maybe I'll grow up to be like you some day.

Your the best Mom ever!!

I didn't point out to her that it technically, grammatically should have been "you're" instead of "your".

Katherine the Designer

The last thing I was to share (though in the order these posts it will appear to be the first) is something that makes Kris and me extremely proud. Katherine is good at most things she sets her hands to. She's intelligent...very. When I see her do or hear her say things that are well beyond her years, I am both amazed and proud of her. Additional to the successes she experiences academically, that girl loves art. Loves it. She always has and I think that she always will.

There is a spring carnival coming up in April and some of the classes drew pictures for what they thought the T-shirts should look like. Katherine entered her submission, which is below. The first tow pictures are the bulletin board where all of the submissions were hanging. There were 10 suggestions.

Abbey actually submitted an entry as well for the T-shirt design contest. In looking at her design (oh the 'theme' is Growing with Grace). See below:

I had seen Katherinen's design too and really liked it. I was really impressed too. I don't know how many submissions there were but I know that more than 1 or 2 classes submitted designs. I just really loved Kat's, especially after she explained to me why she chose to put certain items in her design. I wanted hers to win...I really did. And it wasn't just because she's my daughter. It's because I looked at her design and thought "That would be a great t-shirt-I really want hers to win!"

Yesterday when I went to pick the kids up, I noticed something in the hallway. The teachers had finally reviewed all of the submissions. Check out Kat's design submission:

FIRST PLACE! My girl got first place!!! How cool is that?!? I feel the need to explain things though I would assume most of it is self-explanatory. First, she's got the school in the middle with a banner that reads "GCA Spring Carnival". Although, due to size/text issues, the banner will just have to say GCA so it will print well. Beyond that, she didn't accidentally write "Grace" in cursive. I really thin that was just part of how she wanted it to be read. Below that, we've got the actual words Spring Carnival. The p and g in Spring are made of flowers. In Carnival, the a's are made to look like balloons. And if that wasn't creative enough, she explained to me that the flowers are there and growing in different sizes to go along with the theme of "Growing With Grace." I love my budding little artist and the thought she puts into everything that she does. So, if anyone would like to support GCA (Grace Christian Academy) or support Katherine to show her how proud you are, please let me know. We are going to buy extras for our parents but if anyone else wants to wear something my daughter designed, I know she would be really happy. :)

Katherine the SOTM

What is SOTM you ask? It's my own little abbreviation for Student of the Month. From what I can tell they pick a few different students each month. What I really loved and appreciated are the kind words that Katherine's teacher had to say about her. She echoed what most people who know Katherine already knows about that wonder, intelligent, and kind 9 year old. See what her teacher had to say about her. I'm very proud and blessed to have this brilliant little girl in my family. I see so much of her father in her.

Abbey the Dreamer

You know, it is really amazing to watch your children grow and learn. It's fun and exciting and while it is extremely difficult at times to handle the chaos that is four kids, I wouldn't have it any other way. What makes it all worth it are those moments where one of the kids say or do something that you just find adorable. Abbey is always bringing a smile to my face. Her personality and demeanor and just everything about her makes the world a happier place. And so when I read her 'I Have a Dream' "speech" it didn't surprise me that I found myself chuckling and just so freakin' proud to be her mother. Check it out! Abbey loves herself (God and herself she love the most, and then it's Uncle Brandon) and she has all these dreams and ideas and well, she's just Abbey. She's my Abbey Rose and not a day goes by that I don't just look at her and thank God that she is a part of our family. No one can make you laugh or smile quite like that girl. Here is her speech:

"I have a dream that everyone will eat ice cream and a oranges and a apple and play jumprope and play with a kite and name their baby Rose."

Katherine the Creative

A few weeks ago, Katherine handed me the following piece of paper. It wasn't a 'hey mom can we do this?'. It was more like 'We're doing this.' I mean this girl had the date picked out, the activities, everything! She was longing it seems for some real quality family time. Check out her flyer. I especially love the Wii Remote and Nunchuck on the top right.

Below on the left, the date. Which happened to be today.

As you can see in the top left corner, there are 6 heads...four girls and two boys...just like us. There are Uno cards in the middle of the paper, and according to the moon, this family time must take place at night.

And so as to not exclude anyone, all ages are allowed. I really loved the 'much, much more' at the end of her activity list!

So did we have Family Game Night tonight, on January 30th? Why yes we did! It was really fun. I figured that as long as we were having a little 'party' we'd really make it a big deal. So, we made meatballs, a couple of dips, cut up some oranges. It was really great! While we were eating, we played Disney Scene It DVD game. We had three teams. Me and Livvy. Kris and Abbey. Kat and Kaleb. Apparently Kris and I are HORRIBLE at that game. Kat and Kaleb won. But it was really a lot of fun.

After that, we moved into the dining room for dessert: Mike & Ikes and E.L. Fudge cookies. Then we played some Uno Attack. That game freaks me out! It's not as fast-paced and scary as Uno Flash (that one requires medication before I can play it), but it's still a little scary when it spits those cards out at you. And our game has only been placed two or three times and the cards are slick, so instead of it only spitting out 5-7 cards, it spits out 12-25! And of course Kat one that game too. Somehow I think she might have rigged this entire night! :)

Overall, it was a really fun night. We spent some great quality time together and I had a great time! I love this family that God has blessed me with.

From the mouth of babes

I have a lot of different things to write about and hopefully the fact that I have taken some meds to help me sleep tonight won't 'slur my words' too much so to speak. I'm going to do these as shorter posts, because I think they each deserve their own 'spot'.

First, here is a video of Olivia saying her memory verse. There's nothing much that melts the heart more than something like this!

Little mathmeticians

I hate math. It is well known among my family that I hate math, and among anyone else who knows me that I am not very good at it. I have always struggled with math and at the age of almost 31, I think it will forever be a thorn in my side. SO glad they built calculators into cell phones! Anyway...

Katherine and Kaleb love math. Abbey, while I do not know if she loves it, has picked it up quite well and doesn't seem to have a distaste for it like I do. Actually I just asked Abbey if she liked math and she said 'Yeah'. Kris of course loves math. It's science and common sense that really trip him up! Just kidding about the common sense part...sort of. ;-)

Tonight was a sad night for me. Olivia has joined the dark side of math lovers. She was eating dinner tonight (chicken nuggets in case you were dying to know), and she started the following conversation with me:

Livvy: Zero means nothing right?

Me: Yes (insert disapproving look here as I see where this is headed)

Livvy: So when I finish this chicken nugget I will have zero left, right?

Me. Yes (insert defeated look here)

She's four and already grasping so easily the concepts that she needs to become a math lover like the others. It's like all 5 of them are in some sort of secret club that I am not privileged enough to be part--not that I'd WANT to be in a math club if I had the ability. I would not. A (my family loves math) + B (I hate math) = C (my family hates me). ;-) See how bad I am at math??

Deleting comments...

I'm really irritated that I can't delete what I believe is a spam comment from two posts ago. I didn't have the comment moderation turned on (though I do now!) and I read all the different ways to try to delete the comment and it won't work. I've cleared the cache. I've refreshed over and over again. I've tried doing the same thing in a different browser. And yet it is still there. It's one of those things (one of those obsessive-compulsive things) that really get to me. Short of deleting the post and then reposting it, I am not sure how to get rid of the comment. Grr...

Move Your Money - Eugene Jarecki | January 11, 2010 - Morgan Freeman | ColbertNation.com

I just had to share this. I love Stephen Colbert. We just finished watching this episode and I loved Colbert's video...you have to go about a minute and 40 seconds in to get to the really funny part.

Move Your Money - Eugene Jarecki | January 11, 2010 - Morgan Freeman | ColbertNation.com

A little bit of this, a little bit of that

I'm multi-tasking tonight. Talking to Kris while he feeds himself...with food that I already cooked but he missed out on while it was hot due to a meeting; watching Smallville (which doesn't really count as a task because it's become a horrible and boring show-though I should add that so far the finale of season 4 isn't bad after the entire fourth season sucked!); working; blogging; checking up on Facebook. Bottom line-I'm FINALLY feeling better, which is how I can get back to multi-tasking. I can't even begin to describe how good that feels!

I love to read and I love to write and so this blog has been a great outlet for me. I have to make more time for it. I've really been enjoying writing on my 'Living Yeast Free' blog (http://myyeastfreejourney.blogspot.com/), primarily because I've actually been able to stand up and move around and be active again! It feels great. I'm still having some pain and weakness in my right knee, but overall I am feeling a lot better. And now that I've had surgery, my left knee (the 'good' one) is the only one that cracks and pops when I bend down or take the stairs. It's a bit ironic...the physical therapist was commenting on my knee popping when I was doing squats the other day and I had to explain to him that it wasn't my 'surgery knee'. Oh and by the way...I am not 100% sure everything that man physical therapist does is all that therapeutic. Sometimes when he's trying to get me to straighten on my side, while laying down, his hands seem to go places I am not sure they should be going. Sometimes I just wanna say "Look buddy! I'm married!" Not to mention the fact that I'm not a fan of the whole physical contact thing--kinda makes physical therapy a bit complicated now doesn't it?

I guess it's time that I get back to that whole working thing that is on my list of tasks to 'multi'.

Someone save me from Heroes!

This show is really starting to aggravate me. Well, to be honest, it has bothered me all season. The last couple of seasons really. It started out so good. What happened? Why did they have to bring this whole circus group in? Why does Sylar die only to come back to life each season? Can't we just be done with him for good? Especially if we're going to have horrible new characters like the creepy T-bag guy from Prison Break. I think this show should have just ended after season 1, or 2, or 3...

I'm so glad it's the weekend. My parents may or may not be coming in to celebrate Christmas in the morning. I hope that they are able to make the drive out here but if not, we will head out there next week or the week after. I was trying to hide it from the kids but *someone* (Kris) kept accidentally saying things and then just flat out said something about my mom getting here and the kids were like "Mammaw's coming?" So...I had to settle them down and tell them that it might not happen. I won't know until tomorrow. I think that if they do come, in honor of celebrating Christmas, I will wear my Christmas sweater one more time before putting it away until next year. Because I love Christmas sweaters. ;-)

I did it!

I rode the bike tonight at the Y. For 20 minutes. I was pretty impressed with myself. My knee was aching pretty bad after 20 minutes (just at level 1 resistance) so I stopped instead of pushing myself to get to 30 minutes.

Why is Freddie Prinze Jr. on 24? Who thought that would be a good idea? I mean, he's nice to look at and all but was 24 suffering so badly that they thought that Freddie would be the best addition? Who thinks he'll be dead before the 12th hour?

Why?? I'm not sure how I feel about this...

Riding a bike

Writing two days in a row-it's like the 'old' me!

I went back to physical therapy tonight. It was much less intense, as far as my crying goes, :) but the therapist didn't go easy on me. I guess they're not paid to let you be lazy and immobile! I had to do these steps up and down off of a small box (it frightened me to see three other boxes that were higher than the one I was using, as I am sure the therapist will find a way to implement the larger ones). My calf was killing me and I said as much to my therapist when I said 'My calf is going to hurt tomorrow!' He replied with 'Your whole leg is going to be hurting tomorrow!' Can't wait...

What was really great about therapy tonight is he started me on the stationary bike. I am not sure how long I rode it, maybe only 5 minutes; 10 max. BUT...I RODE THE BIKE!! And it didn't hurt. Do you know what this means??? This means that I can go back to the Y and tolerate it for longer than a couple of minutes! I think I could easily do 30 minutes right now, with no resistance of course! I'll have to work up to that part. 3 short weeks after surgery (5 weeks after injury) I can get back to working out! Get some use out of those monthly fees.

I saw a man at therapy tonight that reminded me of how blessed I was. Not that he wasn't blessed-I don't mean to infer that. It's just that sometimes we don't realize how good we have it until we are reminded of what some people have to suffer through. This man was missing his left leg and he was going through therapy-learning to walk again with a prosthesis. Can you imagine that? Can you imagine the kind of strength it takes to get through something like that and come out on top, having overcome? Overhearing some of his conversation with his therapist, this man was confident and willing to do whatever it took to learn to walk again. I was in awe listening to and watching him and it just really got me thinking about life and loss and learning to live again. I recently reconnected with a friend who lost an arm not too long ago and going through therapy for my piddly little knee problem, I couldn't help but sit through therapy and think that what I am enduring is NOTHING compared to what this person had to go through; physically, mentally, emotionally...I am amazed by that kind of strength. In awe, really. We see people around us suffer and lose loved ones or battle cancer and think 'I could never, EVER handle something like that'. But what I am learning is that if put in that position, I would do whatever I had to do to survive-it would be instinct. Sure I'd have days I'm sure (more than I'd like) where I wouldn't know how to get out of bed, but I think that when we face those horribly dark times in life, there has to be something that kicks in (even if not right away) that makes us move on and learn how to adapt to life without a person, or a limb, etc...I know for me it would have to be faith in the God I love and HE would be the one to help me get out of bed each morning.

Sometimes I never know where this writing will lead. I guess that this is what was on my mind tonight...

God why did you create us this way?

I've been struggling with so many different emotions today, most of them not happy. In fact, I've been on the verge of tears most of the evening. The frustrations of being unable to function at 100% after my knee surgery are definitely a factor. It seems like I start to make strides in progress and gain more strength only to have a set back. Tonight while unloading groceries, I tripped on something and twisted my knee and it immediately sent pain through my whole leg and started swelling. So I'm down for the count for the evening. I took some vicodin which I had managed to do without for 4 days and am finally feeling some relief.

I thought I was going to have a meltdown in the grocery store. Not only is it still difficult for me to buy food in a cost efficient manner that is 'safe' for me to eat, but now Olivia's soy bean oil allergy seems to be getting more severe which has left me no alternative but to completely cut soy bean/soy bean oil out of her diet. Do you know how many foods have soy bean oil in them???? And I thought it was hard to find food without corn syrup and sugar and vinegar! But soy bean oil? Much more dominant in the processed foods. I did find some Matzo crackers today that I believe I can break up and put some almond butter on for her and I had her taste the crackers and she liked them so at least now I can make some semblance of a sandwich for her school lunches. That is what is so hard...finding things that she can take to school so that she doesn't have to heat it up. It was a very depressing night at the grocery store tonight. It's one thing to learn how to cook yeast-free for myself, but it is even more difficult to think about how and what to cook for Olivia. I'd really love to get my whole family away from the yeast/sugar/gluten and I think with a lot of work and practice in kitchen I can get at least all of the kids there. Kris on the other hand...well...he may be quite a bit more resistant. Though, fortunately for him, MEAT is safe and he is definitely a meat and potatoes kind of guy.

It's just been a 'down' kind of day. I know that when I wake up in the morning I will feel better. This happens from time to time and it always gets better.

I go back to physical therapy tomorrow for my knee. I went last Tuesday and it was a very grueling hour! But I have done my exercises faithfully for a week and will continue to. I am walking better, though I still think most of the time there is a noticeable limp. It will just continue to improve with physical therapy. I just hope that tomorrow I don't cry the whole time like I did last week!

I have been having a lot of fun lately reading some blogs, primarily thanks to the help of Google Reader. I've mentioned before that I am a Google lover. Yesterday I discovered Google reader and it is awesome! Now all the blogs I find with gluten-free or sugar-free recipes are all in one place instead of spread out as bookmarks on three different computers. Better still, I get a notification when there is a new post right in my Google Chrome browser. Additionally, if I am surfing for a specific new blog, when I come across it, with the same button on my browser I can just add it to my reader. I really have become such a geek, but I'm OK with that. Technology, even with all of its frustrations and occasional problems, really amazes me. Some sites I highly recommend are listed below. They are either about Google or gluten-free recipes. Check them out if you have some time.

First and foremost, my own blog about my ups and downs of living yeast-free:

http://myyeastfreejourney.blogspot.com/

Some new favorites that I can't wait to read through and catch up on are:

http://www.flour-arrangements.com/

http://glutenfree.wordpress.com/

http://glutenfreegoddess.blogspot.com/

My newest favorite is one that chronicles another person's journey to living yeast-free and I have found a lot of encouragement in it today, as I have fallen into the 'I-just-had-knee-surgery-and-just-don't-care-right-now' trap! I'm getting out of it though. Starting now. The fridge is stocked again with foods that I can make and eat, after a month and a half of Kris buying things that are quick and easy for him and the kids since I have sort of been out of commission.

http://yeastfreeliving.com/

And if you want to check out Google Reader, try this link:

http://www.google.com/intl/en/googlereader/tour.html

I cannot wait to go back to the YMCA. I had planned to go last Thursday when Kris and Kaleb went to Tae Kwon Do, but Katherine really wanted to stay home, so I stayed home with her and Abbey. But the physical therapist told me that I can walk in the pool and try the stationary bike. He said that I may not be able to get all the way around on the bike but it was safe to start trying and to only go as far as my knee would let me.

It feels good to write again. I've missed it so much. I've just been in kind of a slump for the last couple of weeks. Sickness or injury always seem to do that. But I'm tired of it and hope to get back to losing weight. I'm down 20 lbs since Oct. 23 and while I lost most of that within the first 6 weeks, at least with all my eating poorly lately I have maintained the weight. But it's time to stop messing around and to start eating healthy again. It is vital, not only for me but for Olivia too. In some ways it would be easier if I were a stay at home mom and had time during the day to experiment and try these new recipes that use the alternative flours and sugars, but I don't. So I will just have to do what I can, when I can.

Knee Surgery

When I anticipated having a lot of time to blog while I recovered from knee surgery, I didn't factor into it not being able to sit at a table/desk or not being able to have my laptop on my lap for extended periods of time. So here it is, over a week later and I am finally getting around to updating.

I had knee surgery a week ago tomorrow. It seems to be taking longer than the surgeon led me to believe it would with regards to recovery. He said I'd need crutches for the first couple of days (I was still using them this morning). I am hoping to make it through work tomorrow with no crutches and no pain meds-primarily no meds because I am out. I do not know how surgery/recovery is supposed to work. I know that before the surgery I was told I had A meniscus tear. Upon coming out of surgery, Kris told me the surgeon found THREE tears and that my knee cap was out of place. So can that possibly explain why the recovery seems to be taking longer than I anticipated? In any case, I am able to be up for limited periods of time. If I had a job that kept me on my feet for extended periods of time there is no way I would even consider going back to work tomorrow. But fortunately I sit at a desk. However, this poses a problem as well seeing as how I could barely sit through Sunday School and then church service. I mean, I sat through just fine. But I was extremely uncomfortable most of the time and there isn't really a good way to prop my knee up at work. I am going to just play it by ear. If it is bothering me too much, I will just head home and take some pretend pain pills (i.e. I'll just wish I had something to take) and prop my knee up and ice it. Overall though, my knee IS getting better, little by little...it's just the 'little' part that I have a problem with. I am ready to get back to 'normal'.